Thread: Is today's Society forcing Children?

Originally Posted by Sakura

Lol, 'The Naked Brothers' ? I don't think that's a great title for a kids group, but maybe that's just me. XD;; I think Encouraging their interests or talents is a definite good thing but there is such a thing as pushing them too hard.

I also dissagree with the part of the above posted comment which said:

'Parents are just that, and have a right to do as they wish to their children. They do what the see is fit that needs to be done.'

I believe children have a right to say and do what they like with their lives (within reason), it's not up to the parent to decide for them. The parent should also be supporting and encouraging for whatever the kid wants to do (constructive choices, that is). The kids are human too and should have the right to find out what THEY want to do with their life and not have it forced upon them by some overbearing parent. They're a kid for gods sake, they should be having fun and spending their time doing the things they wont have time to as an adult. Not being forced by their parent into practicing to be the top athlete/musician in the country. If the kid wants that for themself though, good for them.

All right. But a parent is a parent, is a parent. THEY know what's best for their child(ren), so they're going to do what they feel is right for their child.
I mean, you said it yourself:

They're a kid for gods sake

They're only children. They have no clue what they want. Even during teen years. They're so busy trying to "find" themselves, they don't realize that some decisions they make can either make or break them. And parents have more experience and know what they're doing. Plus, they've made mistakes that their children are bound to make as well. Yes, kids have a right to say what they WANT to be doing. But parents have a right to either approve or disapprove. And their decision usually has a valid reason to it.

I think today's society is far more competitive and egotistic than that of earlier times, and that parents are simply going with the flow. I do believe it is a parent's right to teach their children what they will. For example teaching them good study habits and work ethic in school (wish my mom would have busted my chops about my laziness in school, but she didn't) or how to be competitively involved in a sport. Even if a parent is a little harsh about these lessons it is for their childs own good and will undoubtedly benefit them in the future.

It is good to teach a child good work ethic, or to be physically and intelectually active. But as many people here in a America can see parents are becoming extremely overbearing in their social and habitual lessons to their offspring.

Nowadays, parents are going one step further and teaching their children how to be "better" than everyone else. How to "stand out" from the rest by proving they are the best. Even straight up telling them that they are better than everyone else and encouraging feelings of superiority, which usually leads to a self absorbed and arrogant personality later on in life. Now I know we're not talking about personality, right? But pressing a child into becoming the elite in what they do, even if they don't encourage such feelings in their child, will usually lead to braty and self absorbed behavior (and we're seeing it).

So to conclude my reply the OP's question; I don't think it's so bad when parents teach their kids how to be very good at what they do, but rather when they don't teach them that even though they are good (sometimes too good) at what they do it doesn't place them on a pedestal above everyone else.

If it's one thing that burns my tomatoes its not when people are insanely good at something; but when they flaunt it.

Originally Posted by The White Wolf

My mother promised me she'd take me to Japan if I graduated HS with all A's. And then she changed her mind to valedictorian. She kept her mind set on that and wasn't about to change it either. And she knows how obsessed I am with Japan and its culture. But she insisted on me graduating with "valedictorian" as a title. I eventually told her that there have been kids since freshman year who have had straight As, and it was just impossible. No matter how much I would try, and no matter how great my grades have been.. it just isn't realistically possible.

And she understood that.
So I believe that parents just want the best for their children, no matter what the stress they put on them. It's all for the good of the kid in the end, and the parent is just trying to help. However, there are those parents who push their children because they themselves are selfish and what THEIR child to be the best and better than everyone else's child.

So...are you still getting the trip to Japan, even if you don't make valedictorian? Because even if your mom understands that such a goal is nearly unattainable for you, she set the bar that high and accepting anything less would be caving in. She didn't force you to become valedictorian, but rewarding you for not achieving the goal sets a bad example. And if she constantly rewards you even when you haven't accomplished your goal, she's setting you up to half-ass your way through life, make excuses, and still expect rewards.

I'm not picking on you, but your situation does illustrate how I feel about the matter. If a parent has (realistic) expections of a child, they shouldn't give in to whining and crying about how "I can't do it!". Yes, there are parents that go way overboard, but these are the extreme cases. Even if a kid doesn't fulfill the expectation because of physical or mental limitations, the parent should be understanding, but stress that in the real world, you don't get things for trying, you get them for doing.

Originally Posted by gren

So...are you still getting the trip to Japan, even if you don't make valedictorian? Because even if your mom understands that such a goal is nearly unattainable for you, she set the bar that high and accepting anything less would be caving in. She didn't force you to become valedictorian, but rewarding you for not achieving the goal sets a bad example. And if she constantly rewards you even when you haven't accomplished your goal, she's setting you up to half-ass your way through life, make excuses, and still expect rewards.

I'm not picking on you, but your situation does illustrate how I feel about the matter. If a parent has (realistic) expections of a child, they shouldn't give in to whining and crying about how "I can't do it!". Yes, there are parents that go way overboard, but these are the extreme cases. Even if a kid doesn't fulfill the expectation because of physical or mental limitations, the parent should be understanding, but stress that in the real world, you don't get things for trying, you get them for doing.

Don't worry about it, you're far from picking on me. And my mother is the total opposite of what you described. When my mother told me that she'd take me to Japan if I got valedictorian, she had just come from a graduation where there were three sisters who graduated and one of them was valedictorian, and another was only fourteen. She was inspired and thought, "Wow.. I want my kid to be like that!" High hopes, but it isn't going to happen. And she knows that. She's not one of those parents who push their children until their eyes bleed. My mom understands my limits, what I can and cannot do. She's realistic. She doesn't "cave in". My mom wants nothing but the best for me, and she pushes me every step of the way. If I don't do something right, she'll make me do it again. She's my number one fan and supporter. Far from showing me how to half-ass my way through life and expect rewards in return. If I do something wrong, or I'm being lazy she'll reprimand me and make me do it over, full effort.

And as far as Japan goes. She wants me to graduate making AT LEAST 5th of my class. Even that is hard, but she's pushing me. And I'm pushing myself.

Originally Posted by gren

If a parent has (realistic) expections of a child, they shouldn't give in to whining and crying about how "I can't do it!". Yes, there are parents that go way overboard, but these are the extreme cases. Even if a kid doesn't fulfill the expectation because of physical or mental limitations, the parent should be understanding, but stress that in the real world, you don't get things for trying, you get them for doing.

I wholeheartedly agree. And that sounds a lot like my mother. She said if I got straight A's for my O Levels she'd put RM1000 for each A into my bank account. 12 subjects, and I only got 11 As, so I didn't get the money. But she did get me a new cell phone - though that was partly because my old one was getting cranky - and didn't whine about which one I was picking.

So yeah. I grew up in a strict household, so it does irritate me when I see kids just, you know, playing around and not striving for anything. I mean, yeah, I don't have a say as to what they should do with their lives, but I look at their parents and think to myself, "Come on, buck up, you guys! Push your kids!" Certainly, there's a lot more competition these days, but there is also a lack of pushing.

My opinions on these two kind of events is that some adults are trying to take action about their children into getting more involve into all these relevan events that they are forvcing them into being perfect but none of that however they are trying to make them represent the adults other then the children i been in that type of that situation before but i wont allow myself into being pressure into being a great person becasuse there are other people that cannot be great it takes a lot of courage to confront there parents and also some helpful plans.
That is how i make this opnion a great forceful plan that helps others hope you take my word for it.

well, i think that parents push their kids today just as much as they did in the past. However, in the past it was all about work ethic, survival, and being the best at your job... so, you know, they could actually keep it...

since we don't have to worry about that so much, we focus on things like academics and grades since that's more relevant to the modern culture.

>_< but i find that kids put it on themselves to be the best, more often then their parents pushing them (at least in the American culture), since parents don't really care about academics... but they're all for making their kids bleed in sports! but that's just my observation...

as for me, my parents didn't have to push me becuz i did relatively well in school... A,Bs and the like... but not my junior year... they went downhill... but that's for personal reasons i won't go into!


^_^