The list has ben edited and some listings have been removed because they were too offensive, gross, or too mature for younger viewers. Thank you.
1) You’ve changed since high school.
I had a nervous breakdown. (Taken from the movie "Secretary")
2) Every morning after I make my bed I sit on it. Beds without wrinkles bug me.
3) Bad breath stinks. Brush your teeth dammit.
4)That guy on the TV is hot. Feel free to fantasize, you’ll never have him anyway.
5) Why are some male cartoon characters hot? Easy; because they’re not real. They have no zits, body odor, strange patches of facial hair, yellow teeth, bad breath, nose hairs, flatulence, personal problems or sexual issues.
6) #6 may be inappropriate for young viewers.
7) The most annoying sound in the world is no sound at all.
8) A slap across the face wakes you up faster than a cup of coffee.
9) You’re only tired when you shouldn’t be. You only want to sleep in when you can’t. On weekends, you can stay up until 2 AM, wake up at 6 AM and have enough energy to last you for another 14 hours.
10) A good smack on the bottom can knock the wind out of you.
11) It’s ok to cry for no reason. Everyone feels like they need to sometimes.
12) Don’t say you’re fat when someone bigger than you is listening.
13) You’re only weird because they don’t understand you.
14) Giving up feels good sometimes.
15) It’s ok to screw up. Chances are someone made a bigger oops than you.
16) There’s always someone out there who has the same shoes as you.
17) You think it’s bad when you see a girl your age wearing the same shirt as your’s. It’s even worse when that girl is 40.
18) Remember, guys are butt holes because they think it’s funny. We know it’s not.
19)If a guy messes with you kick him in the groin. They won’t mess with you anymore if they think you’ll do it again.
20) Behind every man there’s a woman.
21) Why do we feel sad when we see a guy cry? Because we never see it.
22) Washing your face with peroxide burns. So does vinegar water. Damn my grandparents, I’ll stick with soap.
23) Your funny bone really is funny. Notice how it slams itself into hard objects just to hear you yell in pain? It’s laughing at you.
24) Anything that’s good for you sucks.
25) You always gotta pee when the toilet’s not working.
26) Every girl thinks about being a boy at least once in their life.
27) I don’t know why guys where their pants so low below their butt. I really don’t want to see their butt, and I doubt their stuff needs that much space.
28) Guys shouldn’t make fun of girls being on their monthly problem until they’ve experienced it themselves.
29) #29 may be inappropriate for young viewers.
30) Sometimes I wonder why having a wet, slimy tongue in your mouth is so great.
31) Remember when we could eat ice cream and not care where it went?
32) Acting is fun because you never play yourself.
33) Life doesn’t suck, people do.
34) If we were all stupid we’d have no problems. Smart people make problems.
35) Ugly girls grow up to be beautiful women. Why? Because the ugly girl’s get sick of the pretty one’s and want to outdo them.
36) You think it’s annoying when other people snore. They think it’s annoying when you snore.
37) Why do people wear sunglasses inside? Do the lights really bug them that much?
38) Why pluck your eyebrows completely off... only to draw them back on?
39) #39 may be inappropriate for young viewers.
40) You know when you see a preppy guy because his shoes look brand new even when they’re months old.
41) #41 may be inappropriate for young viewers.
42) Guys always have nicer hair, nicer shoes, they smell better, they have nicer teeth, they were expensive watches, and always have gum for their breath. Who’s the girl now?
43) Do you feel nervous when your teacher laughs as they grade your paper? I do.
44) #44 may be inappropriate for young viewers.
45) If everyone were like you the world would be a better place, right?
46) We pierce ourselves to be different. That’s why everyone does it.
47) If it gets stuffy in class, have everyone hold their breath for 10 minutes. Things are bound to clear up.
48) It’s alright if you feel like you need to be the crap out of something. Beating the crap out of someone feels so much better though.
49) Farts are always worse with your mouth open.
50) It’s always irritating when you hear someone complaining about how they got a B on something.
51) It’s irritating when a teacher gives you a 99 out of 100. Why 99? Would it really kill the teacher to give you that one last point?
52) Your poo supposedly never stinks.
53) Why do men keep their little patches of hair while they’re going bald? Don’t they realize that it looks worse than if they just went bald?
54) Watching a dog eat peanut butter is funny.
55) Watching a dog eat pop rocks is funnier.
56) Watching a dog throw up from eating peanut butter and pop rocks isn’t funny.
57) You can fit a square block into a round hole if you just cut off the corners.
58) People who complain that picking your nose is gross are the people who pick their nose all the time.
59) Speaking of nose picking, yes; we can see you if you pick your nose in the car.
60) Women are the masters of disguise.
61) There’s nothing wrong with being a teen mom.
62) Let the kid swallow a marble. It’ll know better next time.
63) It worries me when people can draw the swastika the right way.
64) Rabbits really can be just as vicious as the one on Monty Python’s “Search for the Holy Grail.”
65) Do you ever notice how you think the phone always rings when you have your head phones on?
66) It’s always touching when mean people are nice to you for once.
67) You can never say “I love you” enough.
68) Hitting the breaks constantly in a car when someone has to pee is mean.
69) If someone hits the breaks on you when you have to pee, just do it on their seat. Hey, they were asking for it.
70) Sticking your head out of the car window to puke in the middle of traffic is embarrassing.
71) We wash our hands after we go to the bathroom only to touch a doorknob with 50 times more germs on it than your butt has.
72) If a dead fish won’t flush down one toilet, it probably won’t flush down the other.
73) It really is possible to have a drink so sour you swallow your face.
74) You always have to poo when it gets really quiet.
75) It’s ok to smack the other person’s feet off your chair at the movies. It’s not ok to throw your drink at them.
76) #76 may be inappropriate for young viewers.
77) Don’t scare your children by taking out your dentures and making a scary face at them. That stuff scars them for years...
78) If you hate the bag guy in a movie that means he’s good.
79) If you think you smell others probably do too. They’re just being nice about it.
80) The people you expect to be single for the rest of their lives always get a boyfriend or girlfriend before you do.
81) When someone tells you something hurts, you don’t poke them hard in that spot and ask “Did that hurt?” That is, of course, you plan to get socked in the face.
82) If someone tells you that food is hot and you bite it anyway you’re stupid.
83) Which also shows that we always do what we’re told not to do.
84) You always feel violated when a dog sniffs your crotch.
85) Yes, school counselors annoy me too.
86) It’s the fun, easy teachers that have the scariest anger outbursts.
87) All teachers cry at one point because of us.
87) Sleep becomes more valuable as you get older.
89) #89 may be inappropriate for young viewers.
90) It really is embarrassing when the delivery guy sees your dad naked.
91) Every girl is jealous of one girl.
92) It’s the little cuts that make the longest lasting scars.
93) Toes are always the first thing to get cold.
94) Wearing a glow-in-the-dark eyebrow ring can be irritating when you’re trying to sleep.
95) Screaming really is fun.
97) Don’t lie all the time, because when something horrible really does happen no one will believe you and it’ll be your fault. Could you live with that guilt? I couldn't.
98) Let that person believe he’s God if it makes him happy. But when he starts to respond every time you say “Oh my God”, then you better get him some help.
99) Watching yourself on TV is always embarrassing.
100) The 100th thing on every list is always stupid.
I gotta get that cotton ball off my butt. I <3 T3H MONK3H!!!
Cool, would like to see the edited ones tho
I would have to agree with him now its gonna bug me for a long time trying to figure out what the hell it said