Thread: Adopted kids.....

Im not adopted...
but I think the adoptive parents should tell someone he is adopte since he is a little kid... so that with the time he understands better...
beacuse if u tell that a teenager or even an adult u woldnt know how thwy could react to this.... maybe in a wrong way... who knows...
but as they say: "a mother isnt the one that gave u birth, but the one that reise u and gave u love"

damn right jaam0927!!!

however, i don't think that most adopted kids should meet their biological parents. the reason being, they were put up for adoption for a reason. thusly, i think that the child should have a choice wether or not to find/meet their biological parents...

there are some people who have been adopted who really don't care about their birth parents becuz they're more than happy with their family...

i'm not adopted, and i've only known a couple of people who are... but, every child is different, not just becuz of their parents status...

if the child wants to know his "real" parents, then let him... but in my opinion, he's not their child...

IMO I think that the new parents should gently inform the child at the earliest point that he or she could understand that he/she was adopted.

I believe that this approach would be the least traumatic in the long run and have the added advantage of setting up the fundemental expectation of being truthful and honest no matter the circumstance ... honest and open communication from the beginning goes a long way in diffusing the possible timebomb that a hidden truth can become.

By confronting it early, and with as much truthful (yet compassionate) candor, the child is given measured does of reality over a period of time and with as much information as deemed acceptable for the given age...
in preparation for the totality of the message ... for the implications to sink in ...

Of course it behooves the parents to have the answers ready for the predictable ... but why did she give me away ... didn't she love me? What did I do? Is it my fault in some way?

In which case, the child is reassured that he or she was loved ... and that because of that love, the mother wanted to give her child the best possible chance at life with parents that have the love AND financial means of support to grant a life full of opportunity and great joy. Lastly, be prepared for the possibility that the child wants to meet the parent(s) ... in which case, tell the child with open honesty that due to their present circumstances, that this is not possible for various reasons ... but that someday when the pain of separation is not so harsh ... a meeting may be possible ...

... or something along those lines anyway ....

I think that any lie told a child by those who raise it ends in screwing up the kid. Therefore I recommend revealing the status ASAP.

Why is it necasary to tell them. If the child is loved, why complicate things? Is the child better off knowing that they were given up? How will this make them feel?

i dont know any adopted kids. well, there's my uncle phil, i always thought it kinda funny that he was about 10 years older than us but he was still an uncle. it was only till i was about 12 that i found out he was adopted.

anyway i don't know a lot but i think the child should know. and they should know from a young age, they shouldn't be told when they're like 18. but my opinion is based solely on books that i've read, fictional ones. and they always involve a trip across the country to find their real parents.

but do a lot of adopted kids have a desire to find their biological parents or are they just fine with it?

Normally I think it would depend on the reason they had to be adopted...

but...

These days it is imperitive that everyone have an accurate medical history of their biological family. How are you going to do that without them finding out?

If they grow up knowing then the impact will depend entirely on the family and child involved. I know at least one person on this board to have good reason to be upset about being adopted.