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Thread: Devil's Mirror

  1. #1
    Otaku Kiri79 may be famous one day Kiri79 may be famous one day Kiri79's Avatar
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    Devil's Mirror

    Well, I'm still in the middle of writting it, so you can't find it on the internet or anything. Well its kind of long (okay, really long) so I'll just give you a quick summary.
    There is this girl named Zakura. She lives with her grandfather on a shrine dedicated to a past ancestor who risked his like to save his village. Most people in the city call them 'Hellians' or 'Devil's Shrine' because that is the exact place where this evil demon guy died (he's not excatly the devil, but said to be the reincarnation of one). Well, the demon's soul was kept in this mirror that allowed him to pass through different worlds. And when he died, his mirror shaddered into this jewel form, and got reincarnated into Zakura.
    I don't want to right too much, so I'm just going to stop right there. Please tell me what you think. Even if it is harsh critisim, I will be able to take it.

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    Otaku serge2005 may be famous one day serge2005 may be famous one day serge2005's Avatar
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    This remind me a little of inuyasha
    I am the fire that light your wood. I'm the thunder that lights you night. I'm the wind that keeps you cool. are you wondering who I am? I'm the great wizard serge

    http://bahamutpheonix.7.forumer.com/index.php
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    Otaku Kiri79 may be famous one day Kiri79 may be famous one day Kiri79's Avatar
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    Really??? I knew someone was going to say that! Well, arigatou (thank-you) for your honesty. I will try to change things so it won't sound so much like other anime's.

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    Banned lord nikon may be famous one day lord nikon may be famous one day lord nikon's Avatar
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    Try to make a boy inplace of a girl, the rest is oke.

  5. #5
    Otaku Kiri79 may be famous one day Kiri79 may be famous one day Kiri79's Avatar
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    To make the boy inplace of a girl? Hmmm, I guess I'm gonna have to think about that. Well, now I'm gonna write the other part of the story:
    One day while Zakura is walking home from the market, she noticed that her shrine was on fire, and her grandfather was caught in it. Despretely trying to reach her grandfather, she walks into the fire. Not able to go on, she faints, and the Devil's Mirror pops out of her chest.
    When she wakes up, she noticed that she was in the hospital. The nurses said besides the burns on her arms, and the wound on her chest, she would be okay. Unfortunately, her grandfather died. I tear ran down her cheek to her hand and she noticed that the Devil's Mirror was in it.
    TO BE CONTINUED....
    Well, what do you think? Remember to be completely honest! Hopefully I will post more soon.

  6. #6
    Otaku Kiri79 may be famous one day Kiri79 may be famous one day Kiri79's Avatar
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    Come on... don't make me sound desperate, but PLEASE review! Here are two other characters:
    Demetrius: (if you have a better name for him., please let me know! I hate this name!)
    He has been after Devils Mirror forever, basically. He wants is too become more powerful. With it, he would suck up as many souls as he can to make it become really powerful. Main baddie of the story.
    Hikaru: Son of Demetrius. Has Deafrous sword (again, if you have a better name for it, let me know). In it is a soul of a warrior killed by Demetrius. He used its soul to make the sword. He has to search for the Devil's Mirror. He soon finds it in Zakura, but with every encountor he has with her, something inside him just won't let him take it.
    That's all for now. So PLEASE review, and remember, BE HONEST!

  7. #7
    Newbie RavenMoon13 may be famous one day RavenMoon13 may be famous one day RavenMoon13's Avatar
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    like it so far, can't think of anything for the sword, but Xantrus or something on the lines of that could be a kewler, more evil sounding... but i actually like ur name.... but it's ur story lol so i wanted to try and give you a better name since you asked for one :P

    "Dim vales- and shadowy floods-
    And cloudy-looking woods,
    Whose forms we can't discover
    For the tears that drip all over!
    Huge moons there wax and wane-
    Again- again- again-"



    Edgar Allan Poe

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    Otaku roger_smith may be famous one day roger_smith may be famous one day roger_smith's Avatar
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    I like the second well third character the most he sounds like he could kick up a good fight scene when he turns on his father and falls in love with Zakura. Tell me if I guessed right or if you got that far yet.I would love to read it when its finished.
    This pain is sratching at my bone.
    And this Loneliness won't leave me alone.

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