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Thread: Dying Alone

  1. #1
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Unhappy Dying Alone

    Here i'm dying alone in my bed
    I would like to have a happy end
    I would like to see my family again
    I would like to tell them how lonely i feel
    I would like to see my girlfriend again
    I would like to tell her that when i was with her how happy i felt
    I would like to stay more time alive, but my time has come.

  2. #2
    Otaku kenshi2885 may be famous one day kenshi2885 may be famous one day kenshi2885's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ketaro
    Here i'm dying alone in my bed
    I would like to have a happy end
    I would like to see my family again
    I would like to tell them how lonely i feel
    I would like to see my girlfriend again
    I would like to tell her that when i was with her how happy i felt
    I would like to stay more time alive, but my time has come.

    that's beautyful great job and song like you having alot of problem or trouble

  3. #3
    Banned lord nikon may be famous one day lord nikon may be famous one day lord nikon's Avatar
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    The nikon never dies, asspecialy not alone, well nice poem, i say the short ones are the great ones.

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    Otaku esthered may be famous one day esthered may be famous one day esthered's Avatar
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    Ooh I see LORD NIKON's got a new avatar + sig pic. Nice. :]

    ANYWAY.. I thought the poem wasn't much of an expressive one, but I can get the idea that you're sad and depressed etc etc. You could try not to repeat the "I would like to.." so much, but this is all your own work and I have no right to say anything much negative. It's just my suggestion. But anyway, I like the last line of your poem. :]

  5. #5
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Thanks you all for criticise my work, that helps me to improve a lot, well i know that i used the "I would like to" too many times.

  6. #6
    Otaku Nameless may be famous one day Nameless may be famous one day Nameless's Avatar
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    I don't like to die alone.. But I like your work there. Nice ones.

  7. #7
    Banned Kikinaki may be famous one day Kikinaki may be famous one day Kikinaki's Avatar
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    When a persons life is ending, many regrets will gain the upper hand and the persons hopes to live another day to make things up.

    I hope everyone understood the message in the poem and Ketaro, you've done a good job and thanks for the reminder.

  8. #8
    new piks in mem gallery animechick may be famous one day animechick may be famous one day animechick's Avatar
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    Arrow

    noicely written...i agree with the lord....shortness puts so much into it...
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