Thread: Fiction Story ~Comments please~

Moving to anime/manga ^_^.

chapter one was rather short, but otherwise...good work! werewolves...wow...never read one of those before. there were a few grammatical errors, but it's easily understandable. keep going! ^_^

Originally Posted by mystical shadow angel

chapter one was rather short, but otherwise...good work! werewolves...wow...never read one of those before. there were a few grammatical errors, but it's easily understandable. keep going! ^_^

What he said, welcome back!

Ok here is the revised version I added a little more:

A Wolf’s Tale

Chapter One

“He’s beautiful”
“I know pity what has to happen”
A blinding light shows as the eyes of the young wolf slowly creep open and he looks up at his mother, her face is all blurry.

Nova snaps awake, “That dream again” He says to himself.
“What is it Hun?” His wife Silver asked him
“Nothing dear, go back to sleep” Nova muttered as he licks her maw and replays his past in his head…

As he grew up he became fond of the female wolves and never really trusted the males that would only show up from time to time at which he would be put somewhere that he couldn’t be found and his scent would be wiped away or buried with new dirt. He used to always think this was strange and never knew what to think of it except that it had something to do with the other males. When he was five weeks old, Ombre began to teach him to fight for his own though she always let him win during the while practicing, she always would exploit his weaknesses and explain what to do to stop it or get out of the situation.

He lived happily with them always hiding as new males came into the pack grounds and he was forced out eventually being brave enough to only leave after being chased out which always scared Ombre to death. When he came to be a year and a half he asked Ombre on a stormy night during the middle of January,

“Well if you aren’t my mother then where did I come from? And who was she?” Nova asked

“I am the wrong person to ask these questions,” Ombre responded becoming slightly watery eyed as she continued “you have to find out on your own, this isn’t something that can just be told because I do not know. We found you when your eyes were still closed; you were wrapped up in a blanket underneath a large oak tree. You must journey if you want to find your true mother.”

“Where must I go?” Nova asked

“I will send you in the direction of the oak tree but I can not take you there” She said breaking into tears

“Mom, I will be ok I am one of the strongest wolves in the pack...” Nova said but before he could say anything else, Ombre cut him off “Oh I’m not your mother and I could never be...”

“You are more of my mother as any other wolf in the universe; you taught me all I know.” Nova said rubbing against her then looking into her sapphire eyes with his topaz ones desire to gain knowledge and love for his mom visible.

“Would you get out of here!?” Ombre said trying to hide her tears with laughter “Before I change my mind and make you stay.”

“Sure thing mom.” Nova said as he ran off through the woods the emerald light glinting of his black fur

Prety good, but the sentences can get quite long ^^ And i love wolves!

yes in ur story you want to ge tto the point faster. As you notice in anime the characters usually don't say alot just small words. You go tot keep the real world in mind, and ask urself." if im talking to someone would i say it like this? "

i like animals and a lover too....
lol good job!!!!
i'm writing a story too
it's called "Aisha's Wish"
and i'm not done with it