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Thread: Fiction Story ~Comments please~

  1. #1
    Otaku Animewolf267 may be famous one day Animewolf267 may be famous one day Animewolf267's Avatar
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    Post Fiction Story ~Comments please~

    Hey everyone, I am writing a fiction story about one of my roleplaying wolves called Nova, This is just the first chapter tell me what you think...

    A Wolf’s Tale

    Chapter One

    “He’s beautiful”
    “I know pity what has to happen”
    A blinding light shows as the eyes of the young wolf slowly creep open and he looks up at his mother, her face is all blurry.

    Nova snaps awake, “That dream again” He says to himself.
    “What is it Hun?” His wife Silver asked him
    “Nothing dear, go back to sleep” Nova muttered as he licks her maw and replays his past in his head…

    Ever since he opened his eyes he never knew his real mother, sure he had a she-wolf, Ombre, who posed as his mother but she was not actually his mother and she made great care in repeating this to him. He used to always accept this with out question but when he was a year and a half the question kept eating him up inside…

    “Well if you aren’t my mother then where did I come from? And who was she?” Nova asked

    “I am the wrong person to ask these questions,” Ombre responded becoming slightly watery eyed as she continued “you have to find out on your own, this isn’t something that can just be told because I do not know. We found you when your eyes were still closed; you were wrapped up in a blanket underneath a large oak tree. You must journey if you want to find your true mother.”

    “Where must I go?” Nova asked

    “I will send you in the direction of the oak tree but I can not take you there” She said breaking into tears

    “Mom, I will be ok I am one of the strongest wolves in the pack...” Nova said but before he could say anything else, Ombre cut him off “Oh I’m not your mother and I could never be...”

    “You are more of my mother as any other wolf in the universe; you taught me all I know.” Nova said rubbing against her then looking into her sapphire eyes with his topaz ones desire to gain knowledge and love for his mom visible.

    “Would you get out of here!?” Ombre said trying to hide her tears with laughter “Before I change my mind and make you stay.”

    “Sure thing mom.” Nova said as he ran off through the woods the emerald light glinting of his black fur
    Icy cold Toilet Paper!!!!

  2. #2
    Cheetos Overlord jaderabbit may be famous one day jaderabbit may be famous one day jaderabbit's Avatar
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    Re: Fiction Story ~Comments please~

    Moving to anime/manga ^_^.
    -Just another green eyed angel, distorted by mans love for hate-
    |THE INFAMOUS CHEETOS OVERLORD||IceNineKills|

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    Cherubic Flash Pegs Champion, Chaos Theory Champion, Booya Champion, Word Up Champion, Angel Differences Champion mystical shadow angel may be famous one day mystical shadow angel may be famous one day mystical shadow angel's Avatar
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    Re: Fiction Story ~Comments please~

    chapter one was rather short, but otherwise...good work! werewolves...wow...never read one of those before. there were a few grammatical errors, but it's easily understandable. keep going! ^_^

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    Re: Fiction Story ~Comments please~

    Quote Originally Posted by mystical shadow angel
    chapter one was rather short, but otherwise...good work! werewolves...wow...never read one of those before. there were a few grammatical errors, but it's easily understandable. keep going! ^_^
    What he said, welcome back!

  5. #5
    Otaku Animewolf267 may be famous one day Animewolf267 may be famous one day Animewolf267's Avatar
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    Re: Fiction Story ~Comments please~

    Ok here is the revised version I added a little more:

    A Wolf’s Tale

    Chapter One


    “He’s beautiful”
    “I know pity what has to happen”
    A blinding light shows as the eyes of the young wolf slowly creep open and he looks up at his mother, her face is all blurry.

    Nova snaps awake, “That dream again” He says to himself.
    “What is it Hun?” His wife Silver asked him
    “Nothing dear, go back to sleep” Nova muttered as he licks her maw and replays his past in his head…

    As he grew up he became fond of the female wolves and never really trusted the males that would only show up from time to time at which he would be put somewhere that he couldn’t be found and his scent would be wiped away or buried with new dirt. He used to always think this was strange and never knew what to think of it except that it had something to do with the other males. When he was five weeks old, Ombre began to teach him to fight for his own though she always let him win during the while practicing, she always would exploit his weaknesses and explain what to do to stop it or get out of the situation.

    He lived happily with them always hiding as new males came into the pack grounds and he was forced out eventually being brave enough to only leave after being chased out which always scared Ombre to death. When he came to be a year and a half he asked Ombre on a stormy night during the middle of January,

    “Well if you aren’t my mother then where did I come from? And who was she?” Nova asked

    “I am the wrong person to ask these questions,” Ombre responded becoming slightly watery eyed as she continued “you have to find out on your own, this isn’t something that can just be told because I do not know. We found you when your eyes were still closed; you were wrapped up in a blanket underneath a large oak tree. You must journey if you want to find your true mother.”

    “Where must I go?” Nova asked

    “I will send you in the direction of the oak tree but I can not take you there” She said breaking into tears

    “Mom, I will be ok I am one of the strongest wolves in the pack...” Nova said but before he could say anything else, Ombre cut him off “Oh I’m not your mother and I could never be...”

    “You are more of my mother as any other wolf in the universe; you taught me all I know.” Nova said rubbing against her then looking into her sapphire eyes with his topaz ones desire to gain knowledge and love for his mom visible.

    “Would you get out of here!?” Ombre said trying to hide her tears with laughter “Before I change my mind and make you stay.”

    “Sure thing mom.” Nova said as he ran off through the woods the emerald light glinting of his black fur
    Icy cold Toilet Paper!!!!

  6. #6
    AO shady bystander Comboling Champion bassdudez may be famous one day bassdudez may be famous one day bassdudez's Avatar
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    Re: Fiction Story ~Comments please~

    Prety good, but the sentences can get quite long ^^ And i love wolves!
    Kastelic's creation



  7. #7
    Cheetos Overlord jaderabbit may be famous one day jaderabbit may be famous one day jaderabbit's Avatar
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    Re: Fiction Story ~Comments please~

    yes in ur story you want to ge tto the point faster. As you notice in anime the characters usually don't say alot just small words. You go tot keep the real world in mind, and ask urself." if im talking to someone would i say it like this? "
    -Just another green eyed angel, distorted by mans love for hate-
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  8. #8
    Otaku jeilee may be famous one day jeilee may be famous one day jeilee's Avatar
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    Re: Fiction Story ~Comments please~

    i like animals and a lover too....
    lol good job!!!!
    i'm writing a story too
    it's called "Aisha's Wish"
    and i'm not done with it

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