i wrote this :)
This pain that suppresses my inner ecstasy grows stronger every second
The horrific thoughts that race through my mind intensify my misery
Making me run away from all the things I’ve grown to love
Making me want to end the pain
Extinguish the fires that burn deep within my heart
The line between depression and insanity seems to thin as the pain continues to thrive and surge through my veins
And it slowly devours my happiness, my compassion, my soul
I am now a drone
My purpose is simple
To live unknown
And to die cold and alone
i wrote this too! :)
Your body against mine
This is merely a dream
The touch of your lips
Is what I crave
Your eyes gazing upon me
Is my impossible wish
The temptation is what I fight
Only to be followed by your utter disregard
My chance has come and gone
First.. My eyes hurt when I read the red with this background. There is an official moderator thread about it in the service announcement forums... Second... I haven't seen you around, so welcome to AO, and please read some rules or FAQ. Be patient. Thats another awsome virtue. As for your poem, it has a lot of raw emmotion and is quite good. you should be commended on your diligence in obtaining the neccesarry means to write like that. It rymes well and is easy to follow.
First poem: Hmm to me some lines are way too long, like they are trying to force this pain onto us...
Second poem: Very nice, this one flows pretty well, which is good with this type of poems Oh, and seeing the construction of your poem, just something you might try remplace the second line "This is merely a dream" simply by "Is is merely a dream" and try to read it again. To me it flows even better, but that's just me
wow thanks for your input on my poems! yeah im pretty new on this site so im not totally comfortable with everything...yet. sorry about the color, thats just the color of my hair!(i dye my hair constantly) but ill work on the color and ill take all of your input and try to make my next thread of poems better! thank you to both of you that want to help me!
oh and sorry about the lenght of the lines, when im upset i go up to my room and just write and write because im not very good at talking about my feelings... touchy feely just isn't my thing...