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Thread: Magical Detective Daisuke

  1. #1
    Otaku Ted Turtle may be famous one day Ted Turtle may be famous one day Ted Turtle's Avatar
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    Lightbulb Magical Detective Daisuke [Story/Manga]

    Please Read and Reply Here

    Part 2 coming this Thursday. I hope that you will enjoy it as much as the first part. Lol it's longer than the first part. I will post it with the first part and also as a new comment at the bottom of this page. Keep your eyes peeled for it.

    Magical Detective Daisuke

    This is the story of a young boy named Daisuke. He was abandoned as a toddler and raised by an old Magic Martial Arts Master living in a dojo in the middle of the forest. Daisuke has been training in Martial Arts with the old Master. He has just discovered that has magical powers and has begun practicing in Magic Martial Arts.

    (Inside the dojo walls)

    Ceri: You’re really serious about this huh?

    Daisuke: Heeyah!

    Ceri: Your magical powers have improved greatly since you discovered you had them. I still can’t believe that you want to become a M.M.A (Magic Martial Artist).

    Daisuke: Woo Wah Ka!

    Ceri: You haven’t heard a word I said have you?

    Daisuke: Focus your mind, then your energy, and Dark Blaze Strike!!!

    Ceri: (Groan) Hey Daisuke there’s a really cute girl looking at you…

    Daisuke: Where is she? Huh? No one is here, Ceri where did she go?

    Ceri: (Laughs) You never listen to me during training unless I mention girls.

    Daisuke: That’s just wrong you shouldn’t play around like that. What did you want?

    Ceri: Forget it now! Do you want to spar? You need it...

    Daisuke: What’s that supposed to mean!? I’m not weak!!

    Ceri: (Laughs) Yes you do even my little sister could beat you!

    Daisuke: We’ll see about that, I’m going to kick your butt! (Daisuke runs toward Ceri) Dark Blaze Strike!!! (Ceri trips Daisuke)

    Ceri: Whitewater Finger!! (Drip drip) (Ceri laughs) You should have seen the look on your face! It read like “Please Ceri don’t hit me” (in a girly voice). (Ceri laughs again) You are lucky I didn’t blast you at full force!

    Daisuke: Hey that’s not fair! You cheated!

    Ceri: Who said life was fair? Besides you lost your balance running like that.

    ???: My son is correct. You should always have good balance. Also you should plan your attacks before you strike.

    Daisuke: Master of Water, I will try harder.

    Ceri: Thank you, father.

    Master of Water: As for your tactics Ceri… that was very dishonorable to our family name. Some day Ceri you will be the Master of Water. You should act more serious like Daisuke and use your abilities to help people. Keep such foolishness for outside the dojo! Go meditate on this in your room.

    Ceri: Yes, father. Humph. (Ceri leaves)

    Master of Water: Daisuke, you could have easily avoided that with a lighting attack. Remember unlike Ceri and myself you have Shadow type magic. You can use different types of magic. You have much potential do not waste it. Please continue your training.

    Daisuke: Yes, master.

    (Master walks down the hall towards Ceri's room)

    Master of Water: (Mumbling) I just don't understand why Ceri can't be as serious and focused on his training as Daisuke is. I might have to look to Daisuke to become the master of this dojo.

    (Ceri over here Master of Water)

    Ceri: Argh!! Daisuke will be the new master?! It's supposed to be carried by the bloodline of the Clan of Water. Arrgh he isn't related to us at all; he is just some stupid orphan boy that Father felt sorry for! I swear that I will be master of the dojo and uphold the family name no matter what! No outsider is going to be master to me!

    (Children in the background)

    Children: Come on Daisuke you can do it! You will beat Ceri next time!

    Ceri: Shut up you little brats!

    (Four years later)
    Ceri: Whitewater Fist!!! Huh?(Daisuke catches Ceri off guard)

    Daisuke: Dark Thunder Fist!!! (Ceri gets hit in the stomach and falls to the ground)

    Master of Water: Winner Daisuke!!!

    Toro: Wow that was awesome Daisuke! You make my wind magic look like a little breeze. (Toro is not related to Master, Ceri, Terri or Daisuke. He just trains in the dojo)

    Terri: You did great job Daisuke!(Giggles)

    Ceri: I’ll get you next time Daisuke! You were just lucky! If the ring was bigger I would have won! Get outta my way Terri!

    Terri: Big Brother you forgot to bow to Daisuke.

    Ceri: Shut up! I’ll never bow to Daisuke! You’re only my HALF sister so quit calling me big brother.

    Terri: (Crying) Ceri quit being so mean!

    Master of Water: Apologize to Daisuke and your sister right now!!

    Ceri: Pfft whatever I’m outta here! (Ceri opens the door) Huh?

    Agent Anchorite: I’m here to see the master of the dojo.

    Ceri: Go find him yourself!

    Agent Anchorite: You dare to disrespect an Aura Agent? You must have a death wish kid! (Agent Anchorite grabs Ceri’s arm)

    Ceri: Get off me! (Agent Anchorite scans Ceri with a weird device)

    Agent Anchorite: Hmm you should be useful… How about becoming a member of the Aura Organization? You could be an agent like me.

    Ceri: I’m much too cool to be with a loser like you!

    Agent Anchorite: You shouldn’t refuse the Aura Organization! (Looks at Ceri coldly) Terrible things could happen to brats that refuse.

    Ceri: Oooh I’m so scared! (With sarcasm) Terrible things could happen! Terrible things like this… Whitewater Claw!!! (The attack slashes Agent Anchorite’s face)

    Agent Anchorite: Ahh! My my eye! You little brat! Guh! You’re going to pay! You three hunters Aura Hunters after him!

    Aura Hunters: Yes sir!

    Agent Anchorite: The rest of you storm in and grab every M.M.A. inside! If you can’t get them to corporate then kill them.

    Aura Hunters: We are here for all Magic Martial Artists. Any M.M.A. who refuses to come with us shall be killed!

    Master of Water: Please spare the children! They have nothing to do with this. I will go quietly if you let them go.

    Agent Anchorite: Hmm a wind type, a high level water type and the little girl seems to be both lighting and water hmm interesting. Sorry what’s that? A bargain!? Don’t make me laugh! The Aura Organization does not make bargains.

    Master of Water: Children run!

    Terri: No, don’t do it daddy!

    Master of Water: It’s alright. I’ll be fine.

    Agent Anchorite: The children will all stay here! Aura Hunters block the doors! What’s this? I didn’t see you here (Points to Daisuke) hmm let me see… No magic? I’m feeling nice I’ll let you go. You are useless to me anyway.

    Master of Water: Run Daisuke! Find Ceri and go to Highview City! Find the Master of Wind Magic there!

    Agent Anchorite: Ignore the old man’s gibberish and run away before I change my mind!
    (Daisuke runs out door into the forest) Agent Anchorite (On cell phone) General Spear I have the old man we were looking for and two bonus M.M.A. for the project.

    General Spear: Excellent Anchorite! You may be getting a promotion for this.

    Agent Anchorite: Thank you sir! (Hangs up)

    That day Daisuke lost everything and everyone he had known. Will Daisuke be able to save his master and friends? Will he be able get to Highview City and what happened to Ceri? These and other questions will be answered in the next Magical Detective Daisuke.

    Plus check for the second part soon here at this post. Feel free to comment(Hopefully this has been interesting reading you guys and you have read to this point lol)
    Last edited by Ted Turtle; Feb 01, 2005 at 05:00 PM. Reason: added comment

  2. #2
    M A S T E R Zui Quan may be famous one day Zui Quan may be famous one day Zui Quan's Avatar
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    ARGH!!! Script format!!!! *pulls pin on grenade and throws*

    In all honesty I'm having a hard time making myself read this. You're trying to have a whole lot happen in a very short space. You don't want your readers to get motion sickness.

    It seems I say this to everybody: SLOW DOWN. I can see you've got some fantastic ideas and can't wait to share the story ideas with everyone, but you're progressing way too fast. For example you've got this interaction between Daisuke and Ceri. You cover the entirety of who Daisuke is in 4 sentences while there is nothing to tell us who Ceri is and why he's important.

    Take your time and have fun with the story. At the rate you're going it will be over before the reader gets sucked into it.
    Clan? What Clan?
    I'm the Master. I need no Clan.

  3. #3
    Otaku Ted Turtle may be famous one day Ted Turtle may be famous one day Ted Turtle's Avatar
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    Lol that was true to an point. I purposely did that with the character interaction between them. In the start I wanted to do that with the characters so you wouldn't understand their relationship with them. In the second part of this you were going to understand more about Ceri and how he interacts with Daisuke in the present. I was going to have flashbacks for Ceri and Daisuke and how they were four years prior to where the story is now. I just didn't people to be like uh so like when is Daisuke going solve mysteries and stuff? This first part is sort of a prequele as is the second part. I guess I should have keeped to four years ago and gave the reader of a feel for those two characters. I was trying to give the reader a sense of the past relationships in the present. I will add more than four sentences for the begining. Please give it time to all play out. Thank you for being the first person to speak out Zui Quan.

  4. #4
    M A S T E R Zui Quan may be famous one day Zui Quan may be famous one day Zui Quan's Avatar
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    I like the edits you've made. There'smoreof a flow between the opening part and the advent of the Hunter people instead of being herky-jerky. Keep posting!
    Clan? What Clan?
    I'm the Master. I need no Clan.

  5. #5
    PiNk HaIr FaNaTiC Boo45 may be famous one day Boo45 may be famous one day Boo45's Avatar
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    Hehe...nice story beginning, i find it to my liking very much ^^, keep going, i cant wait to see what the ending's gonna be like

  6. #6
    Devoted Otaku youth_anime_fan may be famous one day youth_anime_fan may be famous one day
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    !! I don't see too many fanfics. Looks awsome. I wish there were more posted here.

  7. #7
    Otaku Ted Turtle may be famous one day Ted Turtle may be famous one day Ted Turtle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by youth_anime_fan
    !! I don't see too many fanfics. Looks awsome. I wish there were more posted here.
    I thought just the same way as you did. If you got an idea for a fanfic post it up. I sure a bunch of people would like to read some fanfics too.

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