Thread: {poem} The Begining Of The End

forgot to say: please rate ny poems on a scale from 1 to 10 (1 being the worst you've every heaed and 10 the best you've ever heard) Thanks and it would be nice if you gave some constuctive critisisum (sp). thanks

-Jess (i'm a girl- just saying unless there's confusion)

I like the way it was written but the ending is bleak, good job though

Thanks, Citara, and i know that was a bad ending. someone gave me a topic to write about and unfortunatly I needed to incorrporate the word. But there wasn't much room in it for more. I think it was long enough. So i went with that as the best choice. I'll try to change it. But, thanks again!!!
- Jess

it reads well. it has a sense of realism in it that is distinct in itself.
i give it a %76.679423245643234546

Thanks, not much to say but i understand what you're saying. I appreciate the comments and ratings.
- Jess

it's ok it could be better

Hmmm...I suppose one of my poems kinda fits in this thread. I dont want to start a whole new thread, be kinda of waste of bandwidth. This poem was written from my personal experiences... Here it goes...

A Mile in My Shoes.
By: May


You think you know me, and what I go through,
but you really have no idea, not even a clue.
Everything I hear, that people say of me
is nothing new, or nothing hard to see.

People say to me, that it seems life is great
They say I have no worries, in this town or state
But really on my face, under this smile, through these eyes,
happiness seems so far, as about a 1000 miles.

I go through so much stuff, so much pain and sorrow.
Nothing ever seems new, not today, not tomorrow.
I always try to hide it, and never seem to blunt but
it seems I’m doing a good job, cause no one notices my front

But I have too, because I don’t like the attention;
or anything else, especially redemption
I go through life, as someone I’m not,
but when it comes to my best friends, it seems I always get caught

They know the real me, the person deep inside
not what everyone else sees, not the person outside
They look right passed the image, they no what I can be
Some thing I don’t get, something I don’t see

This front goes so far, and no one could see
i can fool everyone else in the world, but I cant even fool me
I put my life through so much danger.
When ever I look in a mirror, it’s as if I’m looking at a stranger

There are so many days, when I think of killing myself.
I don’t deserve this place, there’s no room on God’s shelf
I stand here everyday, with a scissor in my hand.
Waiting for that day, where I’m struggling to stand.

I take pills, and I still walk through life
not wanting to be here, not wanting to be alive,
cutting myself, slicing my veins.
It’s not permanent, but people’s hearts will be stained.

This is my life. I walk through it each day.
I will always pray for God to take me away so I don’t have live life this way.
So you think you know me, and what I go through.
Maybe you don’t, until you walk a mile in my shoes.