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Thread: Poems of Chaos v2

  1. #1
    Newbie Chaos_Catalysis may be famous one day Chaos_Catalysis may be famous one day Chaos_Catalysis's Avatar
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    Poems of Chaos v2

    JUSTICE

    She stands alone with sword and scale
    Blind to all that goes on all around
    They pass under without fierce judgment
    She turns a blind eye to their pleas

    Gavels strike with a crescendo
    Away they are bound to homeless home
    Bread, Water, and Rocks
    Day and Night go by

    Growing old and inching closer to Death's door
    Committed by their Seer according to their Justice
    For actions that were not our own
    Alone our friends crumble to dust

    In darkness the maiden weeps
    Tears of Blood flow from the mask of truth
    She cries for those that have been condemned
    Blood flows like the truth that was once so sought for

    The system has been covered
    By a shroud of darkness
    Not even the truth can pierce this veil
    The maiden is lost and all Justice with her

    Justice is not blind
    She is just misguided
    The sword and scale mere icons
    Of their once true Power

    ----------------------------------------
    Please take the time to post what you think if that would not be much of a trouble.
    Last edited by Chaos_Catalysis; Mar 18, 2005 at 09:34 AM.
    The destruction of one is just the being of another
    .

  2. #2
    M A S T E R Zui Quan may be famous one day Zui Quan may be famous one day Zui Quan's Avatar
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    The poem makes for a good political commentary. :thumb

    Personally I'd rearrange the wording of a couple lines to iron out some of the more awkward transitions, but overall it's a good piece of work.



    Oh, and I corrected the spelling error in the thread title.
    Clan? What Clan?
    I'm the Master. I need no Clan.

  3. #3
    Lost in the ethernet dragonrider2004 may be famous one day dragonrider2004 may be famous one day dragonrider2004's Avatar
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    great poem! i like it!

    and i like zui-sama's new signature too!

    Student: "Umm sensei, the question on the board is wrong."
    Teacher "SHAAAADD UP!"

  4. #4
    Newbie T Elocin may be famous one day T Elocin may be famous one day T Elocin's Avatar
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    pretty good. but the last line sounded a little to off for me. but overall good.

  5. #5
    Otaku vb0xn4rd may be famous one day vb0xn4rd may be famous one day
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    Yeah, good poem. I'm gonna make my sig "Justice is not blind, she is just misguided". I'll credit the quote to you, of course. I wouldn't plagiarize!

  6. #6
    M A S T E R Zui Quan may be famous one day Zui Quan may be famous one day Zui Quan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by T Elocin
    pretty good. but the last line sounded a little to off for me. but overall good.
    My feeling exactly. My preference would be to change the last line
    The maiden is lost and with her all justice
    to read, "The maiden is lost and all justice with her." But hey, it's not my poem.
    Clan? What Clan?
    I'm the Master. I need no Clan.

  7. #7
    Newbie Chaos_Catalysis may be famous one day Chaos_Catalysis may be famous one day Chaos_Catalysis's Avatar
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    I have done some editing. Let me know what you all think. Thanks.
    The destruction of one is just the being of another
    .

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