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Thread: The Rain

  1. #1
    Otaku MuMu Champion Shade/K' Heart may be famous one day Shade/K' Heart may be famous one day Shade/K' Heart's Avatar
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    The Rain

    Soft is the rain that falls tonight,
    Sing me a lullaby.
    Let me lay in your softness of sound.

    Trickle trickle of the droplets of heaven,
    I am now hearing fall from the sky,
    Put me to sleep fair raindrops,
    So that early in the morn I may rise.

    Soothing. like a mother's touch, your sound,
    More so than I can remember.
    I have never felt it that I know of,
    So let my mind wonder.

    I want love and the droplet remind me,
    That when the water leaves it comes back,
    As a gift from the heaven.

    I lay here and slowly drift to slumber,
    Trickle trickle they continue to come,
    So now that I fade to dreamland,
    And find in my heart's love.

    The eyes can no longer see the room,
    And the trickle echoes in my mind,
    Goodnight raindrops,
    See you some other time...........

    Justin (K' Heart) "Softness of the Heart can never be known... only felt."

    Far be it for me to be anything special, when the only special thing I desire with me, is the special person I share my gifts with.

  2. #2
    Newbie BBoyPHoeNiX1337 may be famous one day BBoyPHoeNiX1337 may be famous one day BBoyPHoeNiX1337's Avatar
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    It's an excellent problem with just one hitch. Reconsider rewriting the first line of stanza 3. The period and the comma interrupt the flow in a very awkward way.
    ~|*BBoy|*|PHoeNiX*|~
    Unless I grip the sword, I can not protect you. While gripping the sword, I can not embrace you.

  3. #3
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Hmmmm. I agree with BBoy. But beautiful.
    Seduced by Flesh


  4. #4
    Devoted Otaku youth_anime_fan may be famous one day youth_anime_fan may be famous one day
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    That was so nice to think and dwell on. It being cold and stuff up norse, I haven't heard the rain in three to four months.*sad* very enjoyable.

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