Self Hatred [poem]
I wrote this about a year ago... so go on and tell me how much it sucks... or rather tell me what would have been better.
Did you know that I had to cry myself to sleep last night?
Yes you do, that is y you feel the power you think you have.
Did you still believe that I was your innocent little 3 yr old, that I was your daddy's girl.
I hope you do not, i hope you realize that I no longer feel for you, that I no longer love you.
I hope you realize that after that first night you hit her and we wept you were no longer in my sights.
My eyes are cold and dark. No more do they see love, only the darkness and hate that engulfs my soul.
Did you know that i cried when i thought of how I was to go home knowing that you would be there.
Well I did.
I hate how I cry and how I let you reach to my very insides.
I hate how you feel there is a hole in my heavy heart when there is none.
Do you know that I savour every waking moment I am not home or that I get lost within the corners of my mind thinking just what life would be like without you in it?
No.....I do not think you do. That is too bad-because it is too late.
I have my whiskey in one hand and the gun in the other. The empty bottle of my hope lay there on the floor.
Shall i pull the trigger after I have one last endeavour in the taste, which at the time is the only good thing I have known?
Come on now I need an answer, it was not rhetorical.
Are you ready to answer me.....heh, that's too bad...it's too late, because I am already dead.
There is no hope of revival this time. Now it is real there is no turning back, forward is the only direction for the future now. But it seems to me as if I am not in it. This was meant to be.
I'm all ears.
Not bad at all, but is it really self hatred?
This is really interesting. I've actually felt this way. Except I didnt want to kill myself. I wanted to kill my pa. I agree with Hassun. It seems...You arent hating yourself.
Originally Posted by Hassun