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Thread: Someday (a story)

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    Newbie Solid may be famous one day Solid may be famous one day Solid's Avatar
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    Someday (a story)

    Someday By: Solid
    Chapter 1:

    " Jake? Jake!" A women that looked in her mid-thirties grabbed a boy by his sleeve, " Jake! Get in the house, you know not to go outside when it's raining!" Jake was a 16 year old orphen, " Mom, it's not raining hard!" Jake turned around and looked at her with annoyed eyes, " And besides, I have school and I'm gonna be late!" His mom sighed and handed him his umbrella, " I know, i just forgot, you know, your not like your brother, Sam. I bet you on his way to school this morning he probably whent strait to Mc Donalds...." Se smiled and sent him off to school.
    Jake didnt even kiss her goodbye, he just thought it was going to be like every other day, walk to different classes, maybe get through the day til lunch, then when no ones looking, ditch school and run for seven-eleven or something. He grinned to himself thinking of the things he could do before anyone found out he was gone. Sudenly the rain came down harder and an unusually powerful wind. He put his hands up to stop the flying mud from going in his eyes. All at once the wind stopped and the rain was steady again. "What was that all about!?" jake said as he loward his arms, he looked around and noticed his surounding had changed, instead of traintracks, there were trees.

  2. #2
    M A S T E R Zui Quan may be famous one day Zui Quan may be famous one day Zui Quan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Solid
    Jake was a 16 year old orphen, " Mom, it's not raining hard!" Jake turned around and looked at her with annoyed eyes, " And besides, I have school and I'm gonna be late!" His mom sighed and handed him his umbrella,


    This is where I stopped reading.


    You need to look up the definition of the word "orphan." There is no way Jake could be talking to his Mom and be an orphan at the same time. Also you need to work on your paragraph building skills.
    Clan? What Clan?
    I'm the Master. I need no Clan.

  3. #3
    Newbie Solid may be famous one day Solid may be famous one day Solid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zui Quan
    This is where I stopped reading.


    You need to look up the definition of the word "orphan." There is no way Jake could be talking to his Mom and be an orphan at the same time. Also you need to work on your paragraph building skills.
    Aw crap, I didnt erase that!?

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