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Thread: family guy quotes

  1. #1
    Banned Naruto _Uzimakie may be famous one day Naruto _Uzimakie may be famous one day Naruto _Uzimakie's Avatar
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    family guy quotes

    Peter: Don't worry, I've got an idea-an idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about.

    Brian (talking to Meg): How about a lot less talk and a lot more, SHUT THE HELL UP?!?

    Stewie (to a mother who was breastfeeding her child, after he swapped places with the kid): You call those cheap implants boobs? Those aren't boobs! They're lies!

    Bob Barker: Alright now, let's start the bidding. Jennifer? How much do you bid on the dinette set?
    Jennifer: Uh...$675 Bob.
    Bob Barker: $675. Steven?
    Steven: $780.
    Bob Barker: $780. Tammy?
    Tammy: $781.
    Steven (to Tammy): Fu*k you!

    Tricia: So Meg, how does it feel to be the center of attention?
    Meg: Oh my god, you talkin to me? Are you talkin to me? (gasp) Ok, Ok, well, I thought a lot about it, and I...
    Tricia: And here comes David Bowie!
    Tricia: David, what bings you all the way to...
    David Bowie: Shhhhhh! Oh baby, just you shut your mouth.
    Tricia: Ooooh!Me love to meet Ziggy Stardust!I take you home!I make you fish ball soup!Fish ball!
    Tom Tucker: Thank you, Tricia, for setting your people back a thousand years...

    (While playing Pac Man at the bar)
    Brian: Get, get the fruit. It's more points. Get the fruit.
    Stewie: I'm not gonna get the fruit.
    Brian: Get the fruit.
    Stewie: I'm not gonna...I can't get the fruit.
    Brian: Get the fruit.
    Stewie: I'm not gonna...I'm not gonna get the fruit there's a ghost right there!
    Quote Rating: 7.9 outta 10 - Vote Now!

    Wilford Brimley: Hi. I'm Wilford Brimley and I have Diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and I took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife's been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?!

    Tom Tucker:..And for those of you wondering what ive been writing on this piece of paper as we head to a commercial...It's a cat...just a cat.
    -----------------------------Double Post Merge---------------------------------------------
    Memorable Quotes from
    "Family Guy" (1999)
    Lois Griffin: Peter, what did you promise me last night?
    Peter Griffin: That I wouldn't drink at the stag party.
    Lois Griffin: And what did you do?
    Peter Griffin: Drank at the stag pa -... Whoa! I almost walked right into that one.

    Stewie Griffin: Damn you, vile woman, you've impeded my work since the day I escaped your wretched womb.

    Peter Griffin: You know those Germans; if you don't join the party, they come get you.

    Peter Griffin: Holy crip, he's a crapple.

    Chris Griffin: Hey, birthday dude! You want some ice cream?
    Stewie Griffin: Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.

    [riding a circus elephant]
    Peter Griffin: Look Lois, the two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a big fat white guy who is threatened by change.

    Stewie Griffin: [to ticket agent] Now listen to me...
    [looks at agent's name tag]
    Stewie Griffin: Jo-LENE. I've got an army to raise and I must get to Nicaragua. I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal AND NO PICKLES. OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES.

    Lois Griffin: Peter. You're bribing your daughter with a car?
    Peter Griffin: Ah, c'mon, Lois, isn't "bribe" just another word for "love"?

    Lois Griffin: You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.
    Peter Griffin: Uh, what could me and you do together?
    [Lois giggles]
    Peter Griffin: Lois. You've got a sick mind.
    Lois Griffin: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
    Peter Griffin: Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.

    Brian Griffin: Hey Bartender! Whose leg do I have to hump to get a dry martini around here?

    Meg Griffin: Mom! Dad! I'm home!
    [She looks at the non-Griffins]
    Meg Griffin: Who are you?
    Tom Arnold: We're the Griffins!
    Meg Griffin: No you're not! You're Tom Arnold! And you're Fran Drescher, and you're the fat guy from Boogie Nights. And you're the Olsen twins?
    Olsen Twin # 1: Blast! Damn you all! Victory is mine!
    Olsen Twin # 2: Who's leg do you have to hump to get a dry Martini around here?
    [Cut to a hotel where the Griffins stayed]
    Franescher: Oh Peter, you promised me you wouldn't drink at the stag party.
    [nasally laugh]
    Lois Griffin: Oh, I do not sound like that. Oh this is terrible, with the laughingstock in the town, and we lost our daughter!
    Last edited by Naruto _Uzimakie; Apr 14, 2006 at 03:21 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

  2. #2
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    Re: family guy quotes

    Prince Adam: [draws Sword of Power]
    Prince Adam: I have the power!
    [becomes He-Man]

    Peter Griffin: [enters Tom Tucker's room in a wheelchair with his head bandaged] Mr. Tucker, I have become crippled. Therefore, I demand people to pay more respect for me and make a made for TV movie about me starring Vallerie Bert-n-Eernie. And the first story you're going to run: exclusive footage of my tragic accident.
    [puts the tape into the VCR]
    Peter Griffin: [on the video] Ah! Oh no! There's a car coming too fast to stop in time. Aiyeeeeee!
    [cuts to a scarecrow wearing Peter's clothes, which gets hit by a speeding car. cuts to Peter laying on the ground]
    Peter Griffin: [on the video] Waah! I'm handicapped now!
    Peter Griffin: There you have it.
    Tom Tucker: Mr. Griffin, you can't possibly expect me to believe you. That was clearly a scarecrow dressed in your clothes. And when I freeze-frame
    [rewinds the tape on the VCR, then pauses]
    Tom Tucker: that's *you* driving the car.
    Peter Griffin: Well, there's your hook.
    Tom Tucker: Get out.

    Stewie Griffin: Hey, Brian, remember me? I'm the guy you left standing at the counter at McDonald's with a bag full of burgers. You know it's funny, I tried to walk home and, um, a lot of hungry deer walking around at this hour of the night and, um, oh here's where the story gets fun, uh, you may have noticed I'm missing an ear. Managed to, uh, pull it out of the deer's mouth and put it in some ice I got at a 7-Eleven. So when you are ready to apologize, just talk into this cup.

    [about Jessica Alba]
    Don LaFontaine: If I were forty years younger I would plow that until next July.

    Brian Griffin: I don't know. I guess taking care of this old woman will be just like babysitting, only with bigger diapers.
    Stewie Griffin: Aha! So they *do* make bigger diapers! That deceitful woman told me I'd have to learn to use the toilet! Well, fie on the toilet! It's made slaves of you all! I've seen it sitting in there, lazy, slothful, porcelain layabout feeding on other people's doo-doos while contributing nothing of its own to society!
    [runs to toilet]
    Stewie Griffin: [shouts] You get a job!

    Brian Griffin: You ever stop and think "Wow, I'm married to that guy"?
    Lois Griffin: Yeah, but I usually just suppress it.
    Brian Griffin: Is that healthy?
    Lois Griffin: What's the worst that could happen?
    Peter Griffin: [inside Lois' head] I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor. I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, oh-oh, I'm a tumor!

    Glen Quagmire: [after lighting a cigarette] So what's going on? You ever get freaky with that thing?

    Chris Griffin: I just want peace on Earth. That's better than being selfish like Meg, right? So I should get more than her.

    Lois Griffin: Uh, uh, uh, before you sit down, we're due at Joe and Bonnie's for egg nog.
    Peter Griffin: Lois, can't we tell them that your mother died?
    Lois Griffin: Peter, I'm not going to lie about something like that.
    Peter Griffin: All right, all right, I'll kill your mother. God, when did Christmas become so complicated?

    Cleveland: [seven hookers are sitting in Cleveland's living room] Okay Peter, that's it. You and five of those hookers get out!

    Peter Griffin: [in Sunday School with several children during story time] And when you die, you go to a wonderful place called heaven
    [children gasp in delight, Peter starts laughing]
    Peter Griffin: Nah, I'm just jackin' ya, you'll all rot in the ground.
    [children look horrified]

    Peter Griffin: Gee, Mr. Pewterschmidt, you could use some fine strapping young men like us on your schooner.
    Carter Pewterschmidt: Are you saying I'm gay?
    Peter Griffin: What? Are you sure you, you, you, you don't want more seamen on, on, on your poop deck?

    Lois Griffin: Look, Peter, people!
    Jorad: Halt!
    Peter Griffin: Uh-oh!
    Jorad: I am Jorad. I and my band of highway warriors control this territory. Do you have any food?
    Peter Griffin: Ah, no, that that's why we're on the road.
    Jorad: Then you may not pass until you answer the following question. Name something you take on a picnic.
    Meg Griffin: A blanket!
    Brian Griffin: Potato salad!
    Chris Griffin: Chicken!
    Lois Griffin: Merlot
    Stewie Griffin: A dead louis!
    Peter Griffin: Ah, ah, ah, OK, ah, we're gonna go with potato salad.
    Jorad: Show me potato salad!
    [points at sky. Peter and Louis look. Jorad and Highway warriors look]
    Peter Griffin: [whispers] Maybe we should go now.
    [Peter and Louis back away slowly]

    Stewie Griffin: Mm, Florida. Just think somewhere in this state right now Jeb Bush is eating a live puppy.

    Interviewer: [Peter is at a job interview] So, Peter, where do you see yourself in ten years?
    Peter Griffin: [thinks] Don't say doin' your wife, don't say doin' your wife....
    [out loud]
    Peter Griffin: Doin' your, er ...
    [sees photo of interviewer on the beach with his wife and son]
    Peter Griffin: ...son?
    [interviewer's shocked expression]

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