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  1. #1
    Newbie |Ai| may be famous one day |Ai| may be famous one day
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    1st

    Hey just a small poem i made on another forum...wondering what you guys thougth about it?

    Eternally wandering soul of boundless sorrow
    Walking a path which the ordinary fear to tread
    Is it the sadness which makes the walker fearless
    Or is it the knowledge that humanity in it's weakness is always vunerable

    The path of which the walker wanders has no one name
    It is merely known by the few names given to it by the intimidated
    Purgatory, Hell, Evil, Pain
    The wanderer blindly walks onwards ignoring these to seek his true goal

    At times the path becomes difficult and treacherous to tred
    Yet the wanderer merely bypasses these horrors
    Bybassing these horrors the Wanderer is able to look ahead
    Look ahead to the end of the path ahead

    Although the wanderer is blind to naught but his goal
    The path it'self seeks to distract and cause him to fail
    Thus the wanderer stumbles across a pair of paths
    One will lead to salvation, The other to eternal damnation

    The wanderer is finally beat, Defeated he sits down and begins to weep
    Light he feels a touch on his shoulder, Looking up he feels the warm rays of hope.
    Hope which is the ultimate savior for the forgotten
    Hope, The one true light of salvation

  2. #2
    Elie Jelly elie26 may be famous one day elie26 may be famous one day elie26's Avatar
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    Re: 1st

    o_O yay! i've found another outstanding poet that has caught my attention!!

    the phrase- Purgatory, Hell, Evil, Pain seems familiar to me (very nice combination)

    In the 3rd stanza...the last two phrases was repetitive with the use of "ahead" more than twice o_O it somehow confuses the reader

    Your english is simply superb! Nice work there. Hope to read more

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    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    Re: 1st

    very nice man i like how you really just let
    your self go in the wondering im like that alot very nice
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

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    Newbie |Ai| may be famous one day |Ai| may be famous one day
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    Re: 1st

    Thankz for the comments..


    I'll post some more soon...

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    Otaku Hold.Me.X.Thrill.Me may be famous one day Hold.Me.X.Thrill.Me may be famous one day Hold.Me.X.Thrill.Me's Avatar
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    Re: 1st

    Deep poem.. what happened to people writing happy ones?

    Anyways, I like how you grouped the words Purgatory, Hell, Evil, Pain it seemed effective and kind of summed it all up..

    Very good poem then ^^

    TY Sasurai for the lovely sig!*

  6. #6
    Mercenary SousukeSagara may be famous one day SousukeSagara may be famous one day SousukeSagara's Avatar
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    Re: 1st

    At times the path becomes difficult and treacherous to tred
    Yet the wanderer merely bypasses these horrors
    Bybassing these horrors the Wanderer is able to look ahead
    Look ahead to the end of the path ahead

    This is my favorite stanza...
    Looking to the future, by looking ahead...
    Yet his future, is his end...
    A very good poem... For some thing it reflects through me...

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