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Thread: 7 Deadly Sins

  1. #1
    Otaku Stickicide 2 Champion starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036's Avatar
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    Post 7 Deadly Sins

    One so deadly
    In a group of seven.
    Commit one of these
    and you're not going to heaven.

    Being so proud
    can cause you grief.

    Greed puts you in jail,
    makes you a thief.

    Envy can hurt so much
    get too jealous and your out of luck.

    Lust is undenyable
    it makes love unreliable.

    Anger is an evil spell,
    makes you kill and sends you to hell.

    Sloth, looks like a giant rat,
    Consume too much of this sin and you'll just end up fat.

    Gluttony is a selfish thing,
    you'll find out when the debt bell rings.

    One sin
    is just one too many.
    Be a good person,
    and don't rely on any.

  2. #2
    Newbie Ninja_Amaya is off to a good start Ninja_Amaya's Avatar
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    Re: 7 Deadly Sins

    I enjoyed your poem.
    I liked the technique you used in order to develope the image of each of the sins,
    Also created a nice flow.
    Good job n_n

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    Legendary Otaku Happy Pill Champion, Monkey Mayhem Champion NeoDeath90 may be famous one day NeoDeath90 may be famous one day NeoDeath90's Avatar
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    Re: 7 Deadly Sins

    most excellent. may i suggest making the stanzas a bit longer though. The seven deadly sins are a large topic, so perhaps a bigger workspace for each, you know?
    Why hello there!

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    Otaku Stickicide 2 Champion starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036's Avatar
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    Re: 7 Deadly Sins

    Quote Originally Posted by NeoDeath90 View Post
    most excellent. may i suggest making the stanzas a bit longer though. The seven deadly sins are a large topic, so perhaps a bigger workspace for each, you know?
    it is dont in a retarded kind of way
    for those who dont really know what the "big words" mean so lol

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    Legendary Otaku Happy Pill Champion, Monkey Mayhem Champion NeoDeath90 may be famous one day NeoDeath90 may be famous one day NeoDeath90's Avatar
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    Re: 7 Deadly Sins

    Quote Originally Posted by starfire1036 View Post
    it is dont in a retarded kind of way
    for those who dont really know what the "big words" mean so lol

    are you calling me retarded? check your english again because i cant tell if you're insulting me or explaining to me what your poem is about.
    Why hello there!

  6. #6
    Otaku Stickicide 2 Champion starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036's Avatar
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    Re: 7 Deadly Sins

    Quote Originally Posted by NeoDeath90 View Post
    are you calling me retarded? check your english again because i cant tell if you're insulting me or explaining to me what your poem is about.
    i am not... i wrote it in a simple way... because normally when i write in a complex way the people who read it cant really understand it... i never ment to insult you if i did. I wrote it simple to be more understandable.

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