Thread: Act III in Tandem

WoW! This was nice!!! I really, really enjoyed reading this... Very nicely done ^^ There's nothing I could say that I don't like ... The rythm is perfect as always in your poems, really no wonder your username is Flawed Mind

Umm the story under this is simple and yet so wonderful... Lol ^^ well very nice work alltogether and I hope to see more ^^

I really like this one! Very descriptive and you have a good vocabulary, which makes for an excellent poem. I especially like the title. 'Tandem' has always been one of my favorite words. So, when I seen this, I was pretty impressed. Good ups!

I found no rhythm, or flow in my reading. But I found much meaning in the separate statements that made it.
"""
However, it chased the cold
Filled the hollow
It quelled our biting unease
and blew life into dead embers

"""
The cold that was the dieing faith, the loss of interest or the mighty chance of lost love, faltered by the warmth.

Filling that which felt empty, the blank feeling when you can't decide. Quelling such unease that brought you together that night.

At least that's what I depicted in a way.

I like it. ^^


"""

...

Whoa for the awesome critique.

I haven't had any /good/ criticism since Kasai stopped reading. (No offense to other readers><>)

It sucks there wasn't flow. I'll try harder with my next poem.

Thanks yall'z (w00t for /tandem/)

You used some very powerful images although I didn't really get the whole idea of the poem possibly because I didn't read parts I and II being that I 've been away for a while. As for the flow of the poem is seems forced a little to me I think punctuation would do this poem some justice like in the first stanza, where you say

I smiled back
as imperfectly as her
In her eyes I saw want
Her kiss was of ambrosia

after I smiled back put a comma because you haven't finished a complete thought or sentence. Overall this poem definitely has potential and I honestly see just a few tweaks here and there that need to be made. I look forward to reading more of you work in the future FLawEdmiNd.