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Thread: Addicted

  1. #1
    super effective Last Man Standing Champion FLawEdmiNd may be famous one day FLawEdmiNd may be famous one day FLawEdmiNd's Avatar
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    Addicted

    tonight the sky will bleed
    if only to fill your need

    tomorrow your children will cry
    never thought you could die?

    your soul caught in addictions grasp
    when death comes will you gasp?

    will you fight
    protect your rights

    the unhealthy life
    this problem of your casued much strife

    you've lost your humanity
    sanity, who needs it?

    tonight the sky with bleed
    to form the addictee's creed

    so next time you light up a joint
    think again, just what's the point?

    -----------------
    Whoa, that came from my mind... it's kind of odd knowing that you can make something that people will like...
    the love you withhold is the pain you carry.

  2. #2
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Re: Addicted

    Nice peom, the rhymes were pretty kool.

  3. #3
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Addicted

    The rhymes seemed forced. I'd prefer if it didnt rhyme.
    Seduced by Flesh


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    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Addicted

    I agree with Kasai, the rhymes did seem forced, but in my personal opinion the theme of the poem was good, and I don't want to sound to harsh but maybe it should've been a free verse poem! (just a suggestion) Keep up the good work and I'm looking forward to more of your work!

  5. #5
    Newbie sergeant_rose may be famous one day sergeant_rose may be famous one day sergeant_rose's Avatar
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    Re: Addicted

    i'am kind of lost with your poem but i understand it has something to do with the gothic period, or is it? it's sounded link the art poems back in the period of gothic art. AM so REpeatin myself.

    the rhyms are nice. it's one of thepoets templates i kind of like it even though you kind of overused it. next time use it wisely. over all 8/10.

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