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Thread: Aggressive love

  1. #1
    Legendary Otaku Violent may be famous one day Violent may be famous one day Violent's Avatar
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    Aggressive love

    I've had this on my mind
    An exotic find
    Get on my grind
    And make my message bind
    To your mind
    I will heal you from being blind

    I'll show you the light
    With every bit of my might
    I've been so blight
    But I don't care your out of sight
    Clean our states back to white
    Fresh is the return lets make it tight

    Now I'm nearing in
    Where do I begin?

    Something I've been thinkin about lately.

    THE RULES!

    I'm on my grind in search to find whats on my mind, its one of a kind!

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    Newbie sabrina18 is off to a good start sabrina18's Avatar
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    Re: Aggressive love

    that's really good keep up the good work.............................................. ..........
    ~~~~~Party Girl~~~~~ ^_~

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    Otaku Basketball Champion Shippo101 has disabled reputation Shippo101's Avatar
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    Re: Aggressive love

    i like this. The first stanza kinda had me in that..."daze" feeling and the second one picked m back up. Agressive love--- i think it fits just right.

    I have this other idea-- but I'm a bit Skeptical about saying it. XD

    But all together the form is good. I just think that you dont need to Rhythm. It kinda sounds forced. Some poems sound more natural if they dont Rhythm. I have this feeling you'd be better with Alliteration. its just the same but it has a more natural feeling.
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    Newbie alengrew is off to a good start
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    Re: Aggressive love

    seriously i like this poem.
    wow! amazing lines.
    yeah ! amazing creativity.

  5. #5
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    Re: Aggressive love

    thats good theres a lot of rhyming in it i see but its good
    "the past is full of crap from then, the present is full of shit from now and the future is full of nothing at all"

  6. #6
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    Re: Aggressive love

    Interesting. Nice rhythm, although it faltered slightly in the last part. Also, the word 'blight' isn't an adjective, it's a noun describing a misfortune, usually some sort of disease.

    Other than that little slip, a really interesting poem. Keep up the creativity.
    Tears are the feelings that a heart can no longer hold.

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    Newbie Moose is off to a good start Moose's Avatar
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    Re: Aggressive love

    Woa, interesting...*cough* somebody likes to party. *cough*

    Death is as generation is, a composition of like elements, and a decompostion into the same.

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    Re: Aggressive love

    uwoo~ violent~ u still around :3 missed meh?

    eee! A nice poem, gotta love those rhymes... feels naturally forced and its a great feel since the title goes nicely with it

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