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Thread: air

  1. #1
    Otaku halo3master may be famous one day halo3master may be famous one day halo3master's Avatar
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    air

    air you feel it blow past your face on cool fall day
    you dont want to feel it on a brezzy winter day
    you seem as though you dont give it a second thought
    until you smell the smell of a good babq
    air you use it in every sport
    and sometimes you can get enough when your out of breath
    air it was the first thing you felt when you were born
    and it will be the last you feel when you die{sometimes}
    you use it before you talk scream or yell
    and you can feel it when someone else talks screams or yells in your face
    i know this isnt like me but
    girl your the air under my wings
    Last edited by halo3master; Jul 17, 2007 at 06:47 PM. Reason: grammer

  2. #2
    §-Breakdown-§ Breakout Champion, Bubble Popper Champion Akura13 may be famous one day Akura13's Avatar
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    Re: air

    Wow what a nice poem you are really gifted! I love it good writing hope to see more! ^^



    Phantasmagoria Lives On In The Hearts Of Their Fans, Japanese AND English!
    "Because it's okay to hide your tears." - LM.C (Lovely Mocochang)

  3. #3
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: air

    Yes, this is a great work!!!! It's so wonderful- more serious but you can still feel your optimism in it... and the ending... it just makes you smile and thing: "Won-der-ful!"

    This is the coolest poem to tell how much someone means to you I've ever read- it's just great, because it's very sweet but not even a little bit banal... Per-fect!!!

    Great work here, the only advice would be- capital letters at the start of the line and a lill bit of punctuation so it would easier to pick up all that you're saying- but those are just minor things ^^ nice work, will be waiting forward for the next ones!!!

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  4. #4
    Otaku halo3master may be famous one day halo3master may be famous one day halo3master's Avatar
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    Re: air

    thank you too will do lasura thanks i will write another im just depressed today it should be tomorrow when i post it

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