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| King Of Darkness Join Date: May 2006 Location: someplace where the only light is the moon above
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![]() ![]() Credits: 3,320 | All Apologies Everything is gone not a laugh or smile in sight! Everything is hopless i can't seem to fimd my place! Everything is dark why cant i see you as you stand there? My heart is cold inside there's nothing for me here just a pillow full of tears, how i wish i could be satisfied but i am alway's wanting more. The life around me blur's in front of my eye's god help me i think i might just die from all this pain i have nothing's real but hate now. How i wish i could be happy but it seems it will never come , i smile so slightly hoping dawn will break this darkness but it want. The lie's, no one here can live with out them, the truth how it seem's so rare today oh my god i think i am crying dont know why and i dont care. I don't care for things the way they are and i guess i never will,the fact is that i crave love but have never gave what i wanted. I am sorry i didnt mean to be this way .I am sorry if i gave hate and kept the pain inside me .oh god i wish i could take it all back....but its to late ok i know this is longer than the other's but i was trying to see if i could give it some length i know i still beed work on my poems byt any comments or sugestions will be welcomed Last edited by HolderOfTheDarkChalice; Aug 20, 2006 at 01:06 AM. |
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Diamond in the Rough | Re: All Apologies Interesting..... Not bad. There're some mistakes, but it can still be help. I enjoy it. Don't worry, everybody makes mistakes, there's nothing to be embarrased of.
__________________ Carve an amble now, Saying that the day's still bright, And let's play with time. |
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| King Of Darkness Join Date: May 2006 Location: someplace where the only light is the moon above
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![]() ![]() Credits: 3,320 | Re: All Apologies thanks and i hope todo a poem one day with out mistakes but as long as peoplelike the poems i do i will post them |
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Heavy Metal Goddess Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: a place where the stars shine as bright as the sun
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![]() ![]() Credits: 2,376 | Re: All Apologies I really loved it.It made me cry.you misspelled a word or two,but other than that it was very good. |
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Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Texas,USA
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![]() ![]() Credits: 260 | Re: All Apologies I liked this.. and I've a few comments too.. Well.. first.. the easy one.. How i wish i could be happy but it seems it will never come , i smile so slightly hoping dawn will break this darkness but it want. In this stanza the word "want" is out of place. Perhaps a typo or grammatical mistake... should be "won't" if I'm guessing correctly. Second. I noticed in some of your lines, the flow breaks, which you should better illustrate by using commas, you've shown that you understand the concept throughout some of the poem.. but you should take time to pick out such details.. Other than that.. if flowed very nicely.. and had an interesting concept.. I liked it, and by the way, punctuations aren't of big consequence in my book, but it is a way to improve the imagery and flow that you intend.
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| King Of Darkness Join Date: May 2006 Location: someplace where the only light is the moon above
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![]() ![]() Credits: 3,320 | Re: All Apologies ok i see what you mean and it was a grammical erroe i wasnt sure wich one to use with won't but i do now thanks . and i have problems with punctuation i sort of really got the hang of it when i was in school but i try to put them when i think they need it. and thanks again for that tip |
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Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Texas,USA
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![]() ![]() Credits: 260 | Re: All Apologies No problem man.. just passing on the knowledge I've once been taught myself ^.^
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SuperVillain Of AO Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: In the kingdom I built over Mario's dead body......
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![]() ![]() Credits: 2,574 | Re: All Apologies It reminds me of Middle School......Worst time of my life ever!!Now......It just keeps getting better and better.... |
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Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Texas,USA
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![]() ![]() Credits: 260 | Re: All Apologies HEY!!! my names "Chris" also >.> then again "Chris" is a fairly common name ^.^
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