HolderOfTheDarkChalice

Everything is gone not a
laugh or smile in sight!
Everything is hopless i
can't seem to fimd my place!
Everything is dark why cant
i see you as you stand there?

My heart is cold inside there's
nothing for me here just a pillow
full of tears, how i wish i could
be satisfied but i am alway's
wanting more.

The life around me blur's in
front of my eye's god help
me i think i might just die
from all this pain i have
nothing's real but hate now.

How i wish i could be happy
but it seems it will never
come , i smile so slightly
hoping dawn will break this
darkness but it want.

The lie's, no one here can live
with out them, the truth
how it seem's so rare today
oh my god i think i am crying
dont know why and i dont care.

I don't care for things the
way they are and i guess
i never will,the fact is that
i crave love but have never
gave what i wanted.

I am sorry i didnt mean to
be this way .I am sorry if
i gave hate and kept the pain
inside me .oh god i wish
i could take it all back....but its to late

ok i know this is longer than the other's
but i was trying to see if i could give it
some length i know i still beed work
on my poems byt any comments or sugestions will
be welcomed

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thanks mellow your sig is top notch http://www.animeonline.net/links/

Adarrah

Interesting..... Not bad. There're some mistakes, but it can still be help. I enjoy it. Don't worry, everybody makes mistakes, there's nothing to be embarrased of.

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Carve an amble now,
Saying that the day's still bright,
And let's play with time.

HolderOfTheDarkChalice

thanks and i hope todo a poem one day with out mistakes
but as long as peoplelike the poems i do i will post them

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thanks mellow your sig is top notch http://www.animeonline.net/links/

CherryBlossom18

I really loved it.It made me cry.you misspelled a word or two,but other than that it was very good.

-=Broken^Halo=-

I liked this.. and I've a few comments too..

Well.. first.. the easy one..

How i wish i could be happy
but it seems it will never
come , i smile so slightly
hoping dawn will break this
darkness but it want.

In this stanza the word "want" is out of place. Perhaps a typo or grammatical mistake... should be "won't" if I'm guessing correctly.

Second. I noticed in some of your lines, the flow breaks, which you should better illustrate by using commas, you've shown that you understand the concept throughout some of the poem.. but you should take time to pick out such details..

Other than that.. if flowed very nicely.. and had an interesting concept.. I liked it, and by the way, punctuations aren't of big consequence in my book, but it is a way to improve the imagery and flow that you intend.

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HolderOfTheDarkChalice

ok i see what you mean and it was a grammical erroe i wasnt sure wich one to use with won't but i do now thanks . and i have problems with punctuation
i sort of really got the hang of it when i was in school but i try to put them when
i think they need it. and thanks again for that tip

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thanks mellow your sig is top notch http://www.animeonline.net/links/

-=Broken^Halo=-

No problem man.. just passing on the knowledge I've once been taught myself ^.^

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HolderOfTheDarkChalice

cool knowledge is pwer thats for sure

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thanks mellow your sig is top notch http://www.animeonline.net/links/

TaurusDemon23

It reminds me of Middle School......Worst time of my life ever!!Now......It just keeps getting better and better....

HieisLove

I LOVE IT!!! Keep it up Chris!!!!!!

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-=Broken^Halo=-

HEY!!! my names "Chris" also >.> then again "Chris" is a fairly common name ^.^

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