Always

A stabbing pain hits
Left me to fade away
Wishing for the change
Angry at the pain

Yelling silent cries
Surrounded by darkness
Looking out for you
Only from this distance

Viewing all your movements
Imagining being next to you
Never missing a thing
Gaze fixed on you

Yet you noticed me
Opening your arms wide
Unlimited love you’ve shown me
Ever growing smile appears

Distance was between us
Drowning out the day
It’s all gone for good now
Everlasting love is here to stay



Well there is a little message in this poem if you look close enough. It was written a while ago but I finally posted it here.

Hum nicely done sazzy glad you posted it and I see the message too, it is saying that if you stay strong and believe you can get through anything. (that is what I see anyways) well hope to see more from you.

Wow. I Fell in love with this poem when I read it. I am going to add this to my favorites.

awww thank you both. its an acrostic poem, So it took a while to think of the lines themselves. Its also part of the title so it should all link together.

Excellent use of acrostic poetry. I've not tried this form myself, it gives me something to attempt. There are a few lines that don't work too well, but just a change in tense might help:

Quote:

---

A stabbing pain hits
Left me to fade away

---

"Leaves" may work better, you used present tense in the previous line; switching between past and present tenses is a little awkward. Better yet, use "hit" instead of "hits", if you are referring to the past.

Quote:

---

Yet you noticed me
Opening your arms wide

---

Same thing here, "opened" instead of "opening". It makes more sense to stay with past tense here, and keeps the idea that your love has done so much for you in the past, and will continue to do so in the future.

I am definitely impressed that you were able to use the acrostic style successfully while keeping the meaning of your poem. My suggestions shouldn't change that at all.

I like this poem for the fact of the message I think you displayed in it...

It talks about someone who is in love with a distant lover & is not sure if the distance lover even knows if that someone exist... The distance lover noticed that someone & display that same love as that someone... The distance between the both of them brought them so much pain, but also made their love stronger... And eventually they over came the distance & now is having that "Everlasting love" you've written...

Well I could be wrong on the hidden message, but that is what I got from the poem & the reason why I like it so much, but that still doesn't mean this isn't a good poem... Keep up the excellent work...