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Thread: Always

  1. #1
    Lost in confusion Tetrix 2 v2 Champion Sazzy is making a name for themselves Sazzy is making a name for themselves Sazzy's Avatar
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    Always

    A stabbing pain hits
    Left me to fade away
    Wishing for the change
    Angry at the pain

    Yelling silent cries
    Surrounded by darkness
    Looking out for you
    Only from this distance

    Viewing all your movements
    Imagining being next to you
    Never missing a thing
    Gaze fixed on you

    Yet you noticed me
    Opening your arms wide
    Unlimited love you’ve shown me
    Ever growing smile appears

    Distance was between us
    Drowning out the day
    It’s all gone for good now
    Everlasting love is here to stay



    Well there is a little message in this poem if you look close enough. It was written a while ago but I finally posted it here.
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  2. #2
    Dragonrider Ichigo_06 is off to a good start Ichigo_06's Avatar
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    Re: Always

    Hum nicely done sazzy glad you posted it and I see the message too, it is saying that if you stay strong and believe you can get through anything. (that is what I see anyways) well hope to see more from you.
    ナサン フォオツド
    Keep what you hold dear close for one day they may be gone forever!
    Make one person smile for it will continue to spread but if you make a frown that will spread as well.http://www.animeonline.net/gallery/s...0/ppuser/57173

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    Otaku rksamurai may be famous one day rksamurai may be famous one day rksamurai's Avatar
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    Re: Always

    Wow. I Fell in love with this poem when I read it. I am going to add this to my favorites.
    Thank you Lasura!
    My lover speaks; and he says, 'Arise my beloved my beautiful one and come!' -Song of Songs 2:10

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    Lost in confusion Tetrix 2 v2 Champion Sazzy is making a name for themselves Sazzy is making a name for themselves Sazzy's Avatar
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    Re: Always

    awww thank you both. its an acrostic poem, So it took a while to think of the lines themselves. Its also part of the title so it should all link together.
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  5. #5
    I'm sleepy... Jukebox Hero Champion, Word Up Champion, Word Craze Champion gren may be famous one day gren may be famous one day gren's Avatar
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    Re: Always

    Excellent use of acrostic poetry. I've not tried this form myself, it gives me something to attempt. There are a few lines that don't work too well, but just a change in tense might help:

    A stabbing pain hits
    Left me to fade away
    "Leaves" may work better, you used present tense in the previous line; switching between past and present tenses is a little awkward. Better yet, use "hit" instead of "hits", if you are referring to the past.

    Yet you noticed me
    Opening your arms wide
    Same thing here, "opened" instead of "opening". It makes more sense to stay with past tense here, and keeps the idea that your love has done so much for you in the past, and will continue to do so in the future.

    I am definitely impressed that you were able to use the acrostic style successfully while keeping the meaning of your poem. My suggestions shouldn't change that at all.
    sig by Pyro Psycho

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    Otaku Inuruto is off to a good start Inuruto's Avatar
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    Re: Always

    I like this poem for the fact of the message I think you displayed in it...

    It talks about someone who is in love with a distant lover & is not sure if the distance lover even knows if that someone exist... The distance lover noticed that someone & display that same love as that someone... The distance between the both of them brought them so much pain, but also made their love stronger... And eventually they over came the distance & now is having that "Everlasting love" you've written...

    Well I could be wrong on the hidden message, but that is what I got from the poem & the reason why I like it so much, but that still doesn't mean this isn't a good poem... Keep up the excellent work...

    The heart can't lie... Truth is... I love you!!!

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