View Poll Results: Can any 1 relate..?

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  • I'm still with my Always u would stay

    4 22.22%
  • Not at all

    6 33.33%
  • Somewhat

    4 22.22%
  • I know exactly how u feel

    4 22.22%
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Thread: Always you would stay...

  1. #1
    Otaku Inuruto is off to a good start Inuruto's Avatar
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    Always you would stay...

    Always you would stay
    That is what you use 2 say
    Who knew that always would end today
    I can remember it like it was yesterday
    When you went on in your own way
    Just like that we seperated like hallways
    I guess you felt that I would be okay
    But I am here 2 tell you I'm in no kind of shape
    I do feel boxed in with old love with new hate
    And this feel'n I can't shake
    No matter how much I try
    I still end up on the same side
    My heart stop beat'n but I am still alive
    Feel'n like I had already died
    Not 1nce but 2 times
    Final Destination 3 but my death was on an emotional roller coaster ride
    Couldn't get off so I couldn't survive
    I crashed & burned I might of took my own life
    My fault my cost so I paid the price
    Got my merchandise I bought
    Feel'n trapped so I'm feel'n caught
    Try'n 2 escape from this grasp you have on me
    Try'n 2 keep strong, but I'm feel'n weak
    Ridin' by my lonesome, so you know the journey is lonely
    Gett'n a heart-ache everytime I hear "We Ride" by MJB
    Always think'n that was you & me
    Was being the key word that unlocks the door full of hurt
    That I just call "Hurtfully"
    I ain't lying just speak'n truthfully
    Tell'n myself everything is in the past
    So just let it be
    Always ain't Forever now I see
    It is just another term in the dictionary
    I realized you can't take shit lightly
    And you also can't mourn on it too heavily
    Giving up so easily was never easy
    Gone in the wind now I just feel the breeze
    Lett'n you go slowly, but it ain't with ease
    These words cross'n my mind "Always you would stay"
    That is what you use 2 say
    Who knew that always would end today
    Feel'n like a kid cause I just got played
    Ever since you walked away
    I guess it was too much pressure cause didn't we cave..?
    Well like 1 I am hollow & empty
    Finalizing our never ending story on a Trinity
    Got me believe'n always ain't forever nor an eternity
    It is just a say'n that gets you closer to being finally....

    The heart can't lie... Truth is... I love you!!!

  2. #2
    Elie Jelly elie26 may be famous one day elie26 may be famous one day elie26's Avatar
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    Re: Always you would stay...

    It just so happened that I read your poem while listening to a rap song downstairs xD So I really got the beat and everything.
    I really enjoyed it. Tho stanzas would make it easier to read. I don't usually like reading short forms, but the Tell'n sorta words suited with the poem. Tho I must say that the other short forms was a bit difficult to read at times. Great job tho. You could really turn out to be some sort of rapper =p

  3. #3
    God Of Angelz Submarine Champion, Rocket Racer MX Champion, Pencak Champion, Grand Prix Challenge 2 Champion, Twelve Swap Champion, Penguin Pass Champion, Crab Volleyball Champion, Hockey Shooter Champion, Trick Master Funky Champion, Mah-Jong Connect Champion, W.R.A.X. Champion dark1angel may be famous one day dark1angel's Avatar
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    Re: Always you would stay...

    There has been a difference into relating someone but i have not noticed anything that may relate me with anyone.

  4. #4
    Otaku Lotski is off to a good start
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    Re: Always you would stay...

    hmm, try to avoid short cutting terms in a poem.
    its really kinda confusing to read sometimes..

    i can fully relate to your poem.
    It happened to me and broke my heart in pieces.
    but i'm glad someone had the courage to pick
    it up and glued it back again.. hahahaha
    anyway, it was worth reading.. i like it!... =)

    If you don't like me, it's mind over matter.
    I don't mind and you don't matter

  5. #5
    super effective Last Man Standing Champion FLawEdmiNd may be famous one day FLawEdmiNd may be famous one day FLawEdmiNd's Avatar
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    Re: Always you would stay...

    Meh, the big block of words isn't working well, same with the total disregard for everything you English teacher taught you.

    It's got some potential in it though, revise it maybe and try to work it in stanza format... and fix the grammar and spelling. Also... ain't is not a word.
    the love you withhold is the pain you carry.

  6. #6
    Otaku Inuruto is off to a good start Inuruto's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by elie26 View Post
    It just so happened that I read your poem while listening to a rap song downstairs xD So I really got the beat and everything.
    I really enjoyed it. Tho stanzas would make it easier to read. I don't usually like reading short forms, but the Tell'n sorta words suited with the poem. Tho I must say that the other short forms was a bit difficult to read at times. Great job tho. You could really turn out to be some sort of rapper =p
    Thanks 4 the comment & your honesty... I just like to write how I feel at times... I can't say I am a rapper though... I'm not a real poet though, but I try... If you have tips or suggestions I am all ears... All it can do is make me better... RIGHT!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by FLawEdmiNd View Post
    Meh, the big block of words isn't working well, same with the total disregard for everything you English teacher taught you.

    It's got some potential in it though, revise it maybe and try to work it in stanza format... and fix the grammar and spelling. Also... ain't is not a word.
    Honesty is good to hear... My English teacher probably would have something to say on how I wrote it, but it wasn't meant to be in any grammar book... I just started writing in my notebook on how I felt at the time... And I'm not too good at stanza format, but I'll try next time... O' and I know "ain't" isn't a word I just use too much when I talk... But I am glad you know that...

    Quote Originally Posted by Lotski View Post
    hmm, try to avoid short cutting terms in a poem.
    its really kinda confusing to read sometimes..

    i can fully relate to your poem.
    It happened to me and broke my heart in pieces.
    but i'm glad someone had the courage to pick
    it up and glued it back again.. hahahaha
    anyway, it was worth reading.. i like it!... =)
    I am glad that I'm gett'n feedback on what I wrote... It is also good that I am not the only 1... Thanks for the honesty... I'll try to do better next time...

    Quote Originally Posted by dark1angel View Post
    There has been a difference into relating someone but i have not noticed anything that may relate me with anyone.
    Sorry that u can't relate... But not that sorry cause u wouldn't want to go through any of that type pain... It do sounds like u have pain though but not in the form I wrote... Maybe I'll write something next time that u can relate cause I know "pain"... Maybe I am wrong though... But look out for me though just in case...
    Last edited by SasuraiHell; Apr 15, 2007 at 07:08 PM. Reason: hly hell!

    The heart can't lie... Truth is... I love you!!!

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