It just so happened that I read your poem while listening to a rap song downstairs xD So I really got the beat and everything.
I really enjoyed it. Tho stanzas would make it easier to read. I don't usually like reading short forms, but the Tell'n sorta words suited with the poem. Tho I must say that the other short forms was a bit difficult to read at times. Great job tho. You could really turn out to be some sort of rapper =p