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Thread: Amerika

  1. #1
    Otaku -=Broken^Halo=- may be famous one day -=Broken^Halo=- may be famous one day -=Broken^Halo=-'s Avatar
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    Amerika

    Amerika...

    Little plastic remnants of broken youth.
    Distorted memories of perceived truth.

    Fear laid bricks of angst and wrecks.
    cacophonies with kissable checks.

    Signs of power and greedy swipes.
    behold the majesty of all types.

    Gluttonous skeleton hand of lies,
    that choke and break the infinite wise.

    Eyes searching for what’s right,
    They’ll be blind by the end of night.

    Minds wandering through belief,
    that twist the rules and bend relief.

    Arrogant authorities that harass,
    A battle of money and seamless cash.

    Social standards that will raise,
    confidence in its own charade.

    pin pricks from beneath the lids,
    eyelash dances of horny kids.

    Androgynous faulty non-parents,
    that promote ignorant violence.

    A twisted world with hateful glee.
    A damned home of the moronic free
    Last edited by -=Broken^Halo=-; Sep 11, 2006 at 03:18 AM.
    Fr3aK~0f~N@Tu|23

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Amerika

    I think the couplets could have been combined to make quatrains. Other than that? Beautiful poem.
    Seduced by Flesh


  3. #3
    Devil's Advocate TaurusDemon23 may be famous one day TaurusDemon23 may be famous one day TaurusDemon23's Avatar
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    Re: Amerika

    *CLAP CLAP CLAP!!* Well done! I liked the structure and the lines. America's state in a nutshell.
    NoT tHe SiGgY yOu R lOOkInG 4
    Move Along.

  4. #4
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Amerika

    Well you hit every point of the land of the free to a T! Good job on the rhyme structure! Very well written and projected to get the point across!

    BlueFox1

  5. #5
    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    Re: Amerika

    i agree the points were welll made and i liked ereading it just to read it
    as well and life is always gonna be hard like that and bad ,but i still belive
    AMERICA can come back no matter how bad it looks i have faith in her
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  6. #6
    Otaku -=Broken^Halo=- may be famous one day -=Broken^Halo=- may be famous one day -=Broken^Halo=-'s Avatar
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    Re: Amerika

    America will never be back.. the old ways of honor and justice are gone.. to much corruption with in the system, mainly starting with street officers and working it's way searingly to judges, All this country cares about is money. People aren't even people anymore, just check books, wallets and little money grabbing machines. Seriously, how many places even have decent customer service anymore? Your not a person.. just a new penny.

    Oh yeah.. and I revised the poem a bit.. check it out.
    Last edited by -=Broken^Halo=-; Sep 11, 2006 at 03:18 AM.
    Fr3aK~0f~N@Tu|23

  7. #7
    Otaku Pride_Edward may be famous one day Pride_Edward may be famous one day Pride_Edward's Avatar
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    Re: Amerika

    Bravo Broken Halo! You described Amerika just the way it is...it's one of the greatest poem i've ever red! I won't forget this one...

  8. #8
    Otaku -=Broken^Halo=- may be famous one day -=Broken^Halo=- may be famous one day -=Broken^Halo=-'s Avatar
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    Re: Amerika

    Oh yes.. and thank ye all for ye'r comments and all.. 'tis much appreciated and what not.
    Fr3aK~0f~N@Tu|23

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