Thread: Angel in my heart

I'm glad to see the added effort with your punctuation. Just make sure that you actually need it; there were a few places where I saw superfluous commas and whatnot. Other than that, a beautiful poem. (Also, in the 2nd line of the third stanza, the word should be "with" and not "it." And you forgot a word here or there, go back and read it again.)

well it seems to me you did not whant to live but some one saved you
from dieing some one that means alot to you

alot of emotion the langht is good too


i like it alot good work keep it up i wood like to see more of your work

I will be some evil and add some more suggestions, but remember- I only try to help ^^
It should be "there was a time when" ^^ and, in the forth line, it would sound better if you wrote "where no one dared too look" ^^
Alltogether, ignoring these gramar thingies, I really love this stranza and the immaginery you use- the cold dark alley, the happiness slowly sliping away from you... just wonderful! Wonderful words!!! Nice work... I could really imagine myself in such an alley and I could see it all and feel it all... all the sadness, the terrifying feeling when you understand it's all going wrong... nice...

In the second stranza, you really don't need the coma after "brush". And again... I love the last two lines!!! Really made me see it all!!! Wonderful indeed... just great...

The third stranza.. just the last line... Wouldn't it be better if it would be "woke to see the beautiful sky"? I think it sounds better ^^

Oh and the ending... I love the ending... Just wonderful... Made me go all "@.@ awww"...
This is really like a poem about what I feel... It's great to see that you've written this poem, since I'm uncapable of writing ANYTHING... >.<

Anyways... I really hope to see more!!! ^^ I like your lovely poems...

Originally Posted by divine_punishment

I'm glad to see the added effort with your punctuation. Just make sure that you actually need it; there were a few places where I saw superfluous commas and whatnot. Other than that, a beautiful poem. (Also, in the 2nd line of the third stanza, the word should be "with" and not "it." And you forgot a word here or there, go back and read it again.)

Alright thank you soo much ^^ Yea i am trying to improve with the grammer so I got to practice a bit more then^^ thank you again.

Originally Posted by crazy canadin emo kid

well it seems to me you did not whant to live but some one saved you
from dieing some one that means alot to you

alot of emotion the langht is good too


i like it alot good work keep it up i wood like to see more of your work

Thank you^^ I am glad you enjoyed it I tried to put my emotions in it. I hope people can see the feelings i tried to put forth ^^

Originally Posted by Lasura

I will be some evil and add some more suggestions, but remember- I only try to help ^^
It should be "there was a time when" ^^ and, in the forth line, it would sound better if you wrote "where no one dared too look" ^^
Alltogether, ignoring these gramar thingies, I really love this stranza and the immaginery you use- the cold dark alley, the happiness slowly sliping away from you... just wonderful! Wonderful words!!! Nice work... I could really imagine myself in such an alley and I could see it all and feel it all... all the sadness, the terrifying feeling when you understand it's all going wrong... nice...

In the second stranza, you really don't need the coma after "brush". And again... I love the last two lines!!! Really made me see it all!!! Wonderful indeed... just great...

The third stranza.. just the last line... Wouldn't it be better if it would be "woke to see the beautiful sky"? I think it sounds better ^^

Oh and the ending... I love the ending... Just wonderful... Made me go all "@.@ awww"...
This is really like a poem about what I feel... It's great to see that you've written this poem, since I'm uncapable of writing ANYTHING... >.<

Anyways... I really hope to see more!!! ^^ I like your lovely poems...

No way ^^ I am glad you can be honest about the mistakes i make ^^ thanks for helping me^^. I am gald you enjoyed it as well. I thank many people in love could related to it ^^ Thanks i am glad I haven't lost most of my touch

You were right ryomakurosaki. I did enjoy that poem. It also like Whispers of the Heart had alot of emotions. Again I felt the deep complex thoughts you were delivering. A few mistake, but who can say that the doesn't overshadow this great poem. Bravo!

Another great poem by ryomakurosaki! keep up the good work,you little cutie you!

Originally Posted by moonlight_child

You were right ryomakurosaki. I did enjoy that poem. It also like Whispers of the Heart had alot of emotions. Again I felt the deep complex thoughts you were delivering. A few mistake, but who can say that the doesn't overshadow this great poem. Bravo!

Thank you soo much. I am glad you really picked up on the emotions i tried to show people ^^. Yea i guess i have to re-read it about 3 times then lol but thank you for the wonderful comment and i hope next time there will be less mistakes

Originally Posted by katsoyori33

Another great poem by ryomakurosaki! keep up the good work,you little cutie you!

Lol Thanks ^^ I am glad you enjoyed the poem as well ^^ I will try I hope I don't let anyone down with my poetry ^^