I've said this before and I'll say it again the pure thought is never entirely gramatically correct... that being said, I think that the few mistakes that there were are perfect in expressing your view of the world. They also add an element of innocence and honestly make the readers think a little which is good... although you are trying to improve your grammar I honestly like the poem the way it is because it is a better representation of who you are in that moment in that "now"
As for those of you thinking to say that she didn't put the mistakes in there on purpose what makes you think that any of the immortal poets did everything on purpose? They merely had a thought and expressed it.
So I say absolutely beautiful ^_^