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Old Oct 21, 2009, 02:00 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Angel in the Sky - The Guy in his Lonely Tree

ok... am not sure if i should post it here, but it rhymes, nd just want to try posting this one i made



A Guy in his Lonely Tree
-Act 1-
“The Lonely Tree”

The rain slowly pours down the sky
I myself am... wondering why
It's been years since I have been stranded in what is called
My Lonely Tree
Through the barren wasteland, the world has befallen me
I am what they call "the God of War"
My name I can only remember after the tragic "Land of War"
My past was Brutal, Fierce, and Unmerciful
I slay without question
Not one hesitation
Women, children and the elderly
Not one person would survive my tenacity
Through the battlefield started my reign as God
Swinging my sword, not even caring if I kill my own
Bodies one by one fell down to the cold ground
Unmercifully striking anyone or anything around
The final days I was the last man standing
Still unsatisfied with the results I caught a glimpse of
A woman near a single tree... dying
I slowly walked by the tree with my cold-hearted eyes
The woman pleading for her life
As I raise my sword ready to strike
The woman shouted with all her might

"I CURSE YOU!!! YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE THIS LAND, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WALK,
NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU SCREAM!!! YOU WILL FOREVER BE... ALONE IN THIS
LONELY TREE----"

Ignoring the woman's words, I slashed through her dying body without remorse
As her frail body falls down by the tree
Rain started falling down on me
I felt the coldness of the rain, the heavy air of death
And the curse... that has befallen me, has already taken effect

I already lost count on how many times I’ve tried to walk away from My
Lonely Tree, on how many times I’ve screamed my lungs out
And so here I am, sitting by the tree
Scribbling through the mud as the nonstop rain pouring down on me



Through the years of being alone, I contemplated for every person I killed
Every time a horrible scene runs through my head, my heart begins to ache
My body begins to stiffen, my eyes becomes watery
And every time I scream throughout my mind about the mistakes I did,
I scribbled through the mud saying, "I'm sorry, God forgive me"

Days, weeks, months, years… Slowly, I lost faith of the world I once knew
And begin to accept the isolated world the woman has cursed upon me

But suddenly, the rain slowly stops, as bright white clouds come fluttering slowly through my direction
My eyes tries to adjust, having been in the dark isolated rainy world for the past few years
As I look up through the sky, my eyes adjusted seeing flowers and butterflies and an Angel in White
With beautiful dark hair and a smile that brightens the world I live in
The angel seems to have given me slight hope of life as I see her smile
She slowly speaks
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Old Oct 21, 2009, 10:05 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Angel in the Sky - The Guy in his Lonely Tree

Solid descriptions.. though this don't seem like a poem to me.. lol I looks like a story to me.. ^^

You should work more on the rhyming scheme... it rhymes well but there's like no structure to it...its a very well done work ^^ nicely done.. Kudos to you... though.. one more advice... simplicity is sometimes nice don't you think... I think it's too long... o.o some readers would feel lazy to read it
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