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Thread: Angel in the Sky - The Guy in his Lonely Tree

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    Angel in the Sky - The Guy in his Lonely Tree

    ok... am not sure if i should post it here, but it rhymes, nd just want to try posting this one i made

    A Guy in his Lonely Tree
    -Act 1-
    “The Lonely Tree”

    The rain slowly pours down the sky
    I myself am... wondering why
    It's been years since I have been stranded in what is called
    My Lonely Tree
    Through the barren wasteland, the world has befallen me
    I am what they call "the God of War"
    My name I can only remember after the tragic "Land of War"
    My past was Brutal, Fierce, and Unmerciful
    I slay without question
    Not one hesitation
    Women, children and the elderly
    Not one person would survive my tenacity
    Through the battlefield started my reign as God
    Swinging my sword, not even caring if I kill my own
    Bodies one by one fell down to the cold ground
    Unmercifully striking anyone or anything around
    The final days I was the last man standing
    Still unsatisfied with the results I caught a glimpse of
    A woman near a single tree... dying
    I slowly walked by the tree with my cold-hearted eyes
    The woman pleading for her life
    As I raise my sword ready to strike
    The woman shouted with all her might

    LONELY TREE----"

    Ignoring the woman's words, I slashed through her dying body without remorse
    As her frail body falls down by the tree
    Rain started falling down on me
    I felt the coldness of the rain, the heavy air of death
    And the curse... that has befallen me, has already taken effect

    I already lost count on how many times I’ve tried to walk away from My
    Lonely Tree, on how many times I’ve screamed my lungs out
    And so here I am, sitting by the tree
    Scribbling through the mud as the nonstop rain pouring down on me

    Through the years of being alone, I contemplated for every person I killed
    Every time a horrible scene runs through my head, my heart begins to ache
    My body begins to stiffen, my eyes becomes watery
    And every time I scream throughout my mind about the mistakes I did,
    I scribbled through the mud saying, "I'm sorry, God forgive me"

    Days, weeks, months, years… Slowly, I lost faith of the world I once knew
    And begin to accept the isolated world the woman has cursed upon me

    But suddenly, the rain slowly stops, as bright white clouds come fluttering slowly through my direction
    My eyes tries to adjust, having been in the dark isolated rainy world for the past few years
    As I look up through the sky, my eyes adjusted seeing flowers and butterflies and an Angel in White
    With beautiful dark hair and a smile that brightens the world I live in
    The angel seems to have given me slight hope of life as I see her smile
    She slowly speaks

    "Tama-chan! "

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    Re: Angel in the Sky - The Guy in his Lonely Tree

    Solid descriptions.. though this don't seem like a poem to me.. lol I looks like a story to me.. ^^

    You should work more on the rhyming scheme... it rhymes well but there's like no structure to it...its a very well done work ^^ nicely done.. Kudos to you... though.. one more advice... simplicity is sometimes nice don't you think... I think it's too long... o.o some readers would feel lazy to read it

    Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!!
    I'm BACK AO!

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