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Thread: another place

  1. #1
    Newbie inuyashagurl may be famous one day inuyashagurl may be famous one day inuyashagurl's Avatar
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    Smile another place

    in the lonesome season,
    he loss his hope, it isn't always a world of black,
    but he wishes it was.
    when his dreams brek
    the eyelides that beat
    his disires , everything
    reverses . so?
    somenight he may cry,
    but if the starlight
    fingers his grief
    he declares his certainty
    and sleep.
    his eyelides beat
    his desires.
    When you walk away
    You don't hear me say please. Oh baby, don't go
    Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight. It's hard to let it go

  2. #2
    Shu
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    Re: another place

    wow! youve done it again! keep it up! ^_^

  3. #3
    Angel Of Darkness Vontech may be famous one day Vontech may be famous one day Vontech's Avatar
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    Re: another place

    Wow, that is good, But I think it would sound alittle better if you took out the in the first sentce and replace it with this. Also if you put a s at the end of sleep would sound alot better I think. But that's just me. Can't wait for your next poem. Keep it up you are doing good.

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