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Reply With QuoteDamn, the first verse wasso totally awesome. But then the poem began to rhyme. I particularly think it shoudlnt rhyme. There is a lot of emotion to express, and unless you comepletely pwn the rhyme skill? You're gonna make the poem look childish.
She love's making art
Her creation came from the heart
She lost her love, and it's tearing her apart
Why do things end before they start
She can't hear or want to believe
She cries everytime he leaves
She can hear him in the breeze
If they died together it be christmas eve
Her cries come out of pain
She can't remove this blood stain
Her life is being slowly drain
She also have forgotten her name
Damn, the first verse wasso totally awesome. But then the poem began to rhyme. I particularly think it shoudlnt rhyme. There is a lot of emotion to express, and unless you comepletely pwn the rhyme skill? You're gonna make the poem look childish.
Seduced by Flesh
good!!!!!!!!!!a little sad! but keep it up!!!
poohs my boo
It shouldn't rhyme. Do a poem that doesn't rhyme and see how that one goes.
™Mommy To Micah And Shawn!™
Thanks For The Amazing Tag Pyro!
i think i'll rewrite but keep the first version right? anyway thanks though and am not childish!!!!Originally Posted by Kasai
I do not think she was calling you childish don't get your boxers in a bunch. What I think she was saying as that if you keep trying to force it to rhyme then your going to make your poems look childish.
™Mommy To Micah And Shawn!™
Thanks For The Amazing Tag Pyro!
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