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Thread: art of pain

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    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    art of pain

    She love's making art
    Her creation came from the heart
    She lost her love, and it's tearing her apart
    Why do things end before they start

    She can't hear or want to believe
    She cries everytime he leaves
    She can hear him in the breeze
    If they died together it be christmas eve

    Her cries come out of pain
    She can't remove this blood stain
    Her life is being slowly drain
    She also have forgotten her name

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: art of pain

    Damn, the first verse wasso totally awesome. But then the poem began to rhyme. I particularly think it shoudlnt rhyme. There is a lot of emotion to express, and unless you comepletely pwn the rhyme skill? You're gonna make the poem look childish.
    Seduced by Flesh


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    Newbie babepooh15 may be famous one day babepooh15 may be famous one day babepooh15's Avatar
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    Re: art of pain

    good!!!!!!!!!! a little sad! but keep it up!!!
    poohs my boo

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    Lost In My Own World Fishing the Sea Champion, LastTank Standing Champion Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra's Avatar
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    Re: art of pain

    It shouldn't rhyme. Do a poem that doesn't rhyme and see how that one goes.
    ™Mommy To Micah And Shawn!™


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    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    Re: art of pain

    Quote Originally Posted by Kasai View Post
    Damn, the first verse wasso totally awesome. But then the poem began to rhyme. I particularly think it shoudlnt rhyme. There is a lot of emotion to express, and unless you comepletely pwn the rhyme skill? You're gonna make the poem look childish.
    i think i'll rewrite but keep the first version right? anyway thanks though and am not childish!!!!

  6. #6
    Lost In My Own World Fishing the Sea Champion, LastTank Standing Champion Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra's Avatar
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    Re: art of pain

    Quote Originally Posted by hellknight View Post
    i think i'll rewrite but keep the first version right? anyway thanks though and am not childish!!!!
    I do not think she was calling you childish don't get your boxers in a bunch. What I think she was saying as that if you keep trying to force it to rhyme then your going to make your poems look childish.
    ™Mommy To Micah And Shawn!™


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