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Thread: Beautiful mix, and in vain (2 small poems)

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    Otaku sangogirl may be famous one day sangogirl may be famous one day sangogirl's Avatar
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    Beautiful mix, and in vain (2 small poems)

    Beautiful mix

    The sun sets taking with it all I am familiar with.
    The sky darkens until it is all you can see.
    The black emptyness is smoothering, enveloping everything in it's path.
    Thick as smoke and as vast as the ocean it swallows me whole.
    Leaving me lonely and with no way out.
    Then a single ray of hope reaches me.
    A start bright and distant, defiant agaisnt the darkness appears.
    It's light familiar to me calling me out.
    I follow the star it's brillinat rays weakly piercing the darkness determined not to get overwhelmed.
    As I follow I see another star light up beside mine, then another and another.
    Thier rays merge and the darkness receads little by little.
    More little firends come out until all the sky is filled with stars.
    They give me light and still live with the darkness.
    Living with it together in harmony.
    They appear beautiful like flakes of snow floating on the dark sea, sparkling against the contrast.
    Two things so different yet so beautiful together.

    In vain

    I try so hard to get to you,
    But it never works no matter what I do.
    I try to make you laugh
    I try to make you smile
    I try really hard to make you happy even for a while
    But even though I can barely say your name,
    Without my heart racing never leaving me the same.
    I put myself up for more pain.
    reaching out to you, all in vain.
    every rose has a thorn

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    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Beautiful mix, and in vain (2 small poems)

    Beautiful mix:
    A really beautiful poem, very nice work with describing it all- I could see it all right before my eyes... very nice indeed...

    And it should give hope to all the readers too- that they're not alone- that's what I thought especially here: "As I follow I see another star light up beside mine, then another and another."
    I really like that line... Nice work!!!

    In vain:
    I like the way you've written it- it has rythme and... well it's cool! ^^

    And the theme- I really seem to know how that feels- yes I do... it's really not a very nice feeling...

    A really nice work with these two ^^ I really enjoyed reading them... And I'll be waiting forward for more...

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Re: Beautiful mix, and in vain (2 small poems)

    I have to admit... I couldn't read the first one. For some reason it wasn't for me and I stopped half way through. I had a problem with the way it was presented I guess. But it's a lovely idea for a poem.

    The second one however... I loved. I hope to see more work like this it's beautifully written and well spoken. I give cool points to anyone who can express themselves so fully and yet so simply. It had tons of feeling.

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    Otaku sangogirl may be famous one day sangogirl may be famous one day sangogirl's Avatar
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    Re: Beautiful mix, and in vain (2 small poems)

    thanx for your feed back. i like to write poems but i am always looking for ways to make it better. any comment you have helps me know what works and what doesn't. thanx again for commenting.
    every rose has a thorn

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