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Thread: Because of you

  1. #1
    RPG Lord and Master/Poet Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life's Avatar
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    Because of you

    Because of you

    There is no heart amongst the rests,
    Only bittersweet regrets remain.
    Forcing upon me your innocent smile,
    Your inner tears that dry my soul.
    Digging within a deep wound,
    Depleting me of who I am.
    I sing on what little remains,
    My hopes don't seem complete.
    Facing nothing more than an empty face,
    Offering lust in the light of my emprisonment.
    Crafting upon my flesh the fruit of your passions,
    These old emotions that have been confused.
    Obsessions rather criple my old self,
    Ambition leaving me scarce in salvation.
    The last look that meant anything to me,
    Died away as I closed the door forevermore...

    Tender tears of salty taste nursed me to the truth,
    My decisions were long passed, it was the end without a door to what I wished for.
    Breathing what was once,
    Yielding an answer from the nothingness within.

    A poker face remained, distorted by the void of temptation and man.



    Inspired by the music video of the same title from Ayymi Hamasaki:

    YouTube - Because of You - Ayumi Hamasaki
    Quote Originally Posted by Soldat of life View Post
    My favorite philosopher:
    Hassun

    Thanks to Xelhes for this amazing work of art ^.^
    Poetry Corner CLICK HERE IF YOU KNOW ME

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Because of you

    The wording didnt really interest me. In fact, I was bored by the middle.
    Seduced by Flesh


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    Lost In My Own World Fishing the Sea Champion, LastTank Standing Champion Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra's Avatar
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    Re: Because of you

    I actually liked it. The wording and all I thought it was a cute poem and I loved reading it. Keep up your good work Soldat. Can't wait for your next one!!!
    ™Mommy To Micah And Shawn!™


    Thanks For The Amazing Tag Pyro!

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    RPG Lord and Master/Poet Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life's Avatar
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    Re: Because of you

    To Kasai: I would wonder what bores you exactly, I put emotions from start to finish. Is it because you think there are things that aren't worth saying or is it because the subject doesn't interest you? Is it because I use incorrect words or is it too much of the same feeling, or lacking of it? I did write without re-reading, but I often do that with most of my work, including the Drunk one. Oh well, not everyone can be to your liking

    To Ky-lyrra: wording out the thing was what I worked most, cute I have no idea why....
    Quote Originally Posted by Soldat of life View Post
    My favorite philosopher:
    Hassun

    Thanks to Xelhes for this amazing work of art ^.^
    Poetry Corner CLICK HERE IF YOU KNOW ME

  5. #5
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Because of you

    I think it was the flow. Upon my second read? I regained the tone the of the poem... however, the flow.. I think that's what bores me.
    Seduced by Flesh


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    Lost In My Own World Fishing the Sea Champion, LastTank Standing Champion Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra's Avatar
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    Re: Because of you

    Quote Originally Posted by Soldat of life View Post
    To Ky-lyrra: wording out the thing was what I worked most, cute I have no idea why....
    Never mind I just have a headache but I liked your poem. I liked reading it and the emotion you put into it.
    ™Mommy To Micah And Shawn!™


    Thanks For The Amazing Tag Pyro!

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    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Because of you

    Soldat of Life I like you poem, it leaves a mystery in the wording although I may be reading into it more than I should. But it seem to me that you talking about the loosing the ability to love because of past feeling getting in the way, at least that my interpretation of the poem! Either way well done Soldat of Life!

  8. #8
    RPG Lord and Master/Poet Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life's Avatar
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    Re: Because of you

    I wrote my interpretation of the music video I linked at the bottom of my post so you can check it out if you want to know my inspiration.
    Quote Originally Posted by Soldat of life View Post
    My favorite philosopher:
    Hassun

    Thanks to Xelhes for this amazing work of art ^.^
    Poetry Corner CLICK HERE IF YOU KNOW ME

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