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Thread: The bed is the Enemy

  1. #1
    Devoted Otaku Nympho may be famous one day Nympho may be famous one day Nympho's Avatar
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    Red face The bed is the Enemy

    Here's one more. I won't post anymore of my poetry till later. So tell me, do i have a chance as a poet?

    Envying your ability to sleep
    Just lie there
    Listening to the house sway
    Creaking in agitation of its inhabitants
    If you could grab the scent of your dreams coming
    Down
    Even if you could watch the effortless calling
    As it swiftly takes you
    I wait
    And wait
    Repeating my mantra
    Thinking I should have
    Built my pillows with clouds
    Sowed them with the web of dream catchers
    Made a bed with the feathers
    Of dying angels
    Red is seeping into my eyes
    Exhaustion is relentless
    Obsessed with not thinking
    Yet my mind is restless
    Going to a world that is not mine
    Dreaming without me
    Dawn is breaking
    My sanity
    Birds waking song
    Killing me instead
    Who could have thought
    I’d kill you for this
    Last edited by Nympho; Apr 06, 2006 at 05:42 PM.

    I'm a glass child. I am Hannah's regrets. Monster.

  2. #2
    Otaku Jet Black may be famous one day Jet Black may be famous one day Jet Black's Avatar
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    Re: The bed is the Enemy

    That's pretty cool. It's like Robert Frost meets Edgar Allan Poe.

  3. #3
    im a ninja-u cant c me bloodhawk may be famous one day bloodhawk may be famous one day bloodhawk's Avatar
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    Re: The bed is the Enemy

    not bad. i think it could use some more work. the begining was good but about 3/4s of the way throgh i wasint as good

    IM BACK

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    Devoted Otaku Nympho may be famous one day Nympho may be famous one day Nympho's Avatar
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    Re: The bed is the Enemy

    Damn....what doesn't go? I like it that you said it was bad. I like it alot.

    I'm a glass child. I am Hannah's regrets. Monster.

  5. #5
    im a ninja-u cant c me bloodhawk may be famous one day bloodhawk may be famous one day bloodhawk's Avatar
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    Re: The bed is the Enemy

    this part i didnt like. but thats me. it really didnt seem right
    Red is seeping into my eyes
    Obsessed with not thinking
    Yet my mind is restless
    Dreaming without me
    Dawn is breaking my sanity
    Birds waking song
    Killing me instead

    IM BACK

  6. #6
    Otaku Jet Black may be famous one day Jet Black may be famous one day Jet Black's Avatar
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    Re: The bed is the Enemy

    Quote Originally Posted by bloodhawk
    this part i didnt like. but thats me. it really didnt seem right
    yeah, something about that passage seemed a little out of place to me, as well. I was just a little shy about saying anything.

  7. #7
    Devoted Otaku Nympho may be famous one day Nympho may be famous one day Nympho's Avatar
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    Re: The bed is the Enemy

    Red is seeping" is talking about when you get red eyes from being tired. And when i try to sleep my mind just keeps thinking, and thinking forever. So i try to tell myself to sleep and focus on not thinking. But i end up daydreaming and don't actually sleep. This cycle goes on all night. And the dawn part is from "when dawn breaks" expression, but it's breaking me, get it.....i could explain forever!

    I'm a glass child. I am Hannah's regrets. Monster.

  8. #8
    Otaku Jet Black may be famous one day Jet Black may be famous one day Jet Black's Avatar
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    Re: The bed is the Enemy

    Like I said, Robert Frost meets Edgar Allan Poe! Robert frost had a lot of passages in his writing that you had to analyze to really understand.

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