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Thread: Behind the scenes.

  1. #1
    Otaku Stickicide 2 Champion starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036's Avatar
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    Behind the scenes.

    In this instance
    she smiles
    through the mirror
    it goes for miles

    In the back
    something lingers
    red eyes
    and claws for fingers

    In a dress so beautiful
    under the light it glistens
    in the back of her mind
    her evil craves the sins
    [Credits, to the next 3 stanzas, go to BEAST! wat an amazing job]
    That this pretty frame,
    hides a will so dark,
    Malice is its name,
    Makes contrast stark.

    Something dark inside,
    Never left just slept.
    In your pain it will hide,
    In shadows it is kept.

    The smile on her face.
    Betrays intent of dread.
    Showed bright in a dark place
    Staring at the fresh dead.



    (not completee. Will finish later) Lol >.> in school atm xD have any ideas? let them out... add on if youd like and if i like what you write... ill add it to the origional post. WITH CREDIT
    Last edited by starfire1036; Apr 02, 2009 at 03:11 AM.

  2. #2
    Otaku Robo Soccer Champion, Gorillaz Groove Session Champion blackrose92 is off to a good start blackrose92's Avatar
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    Re: Behind the scenes.

    its going good so far lol hmmm maybe you should add drama into it....like a dance she's going to or with a boy..or something to do with her killing/betraying someone....but off to a good start if you like any of those ideas ill help you write some toodles lol
    I'm the best you'll ever have because i am that f*ing AMA-zing chic who can stand on her own d*n feet and becasue of you I am the Greatest Thank you so much SasuraiHell and Gwen

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    Otaku Stickicide 2 Champion starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036's Avatar
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    Re: Behind the scenes.

    Quote Originally Posted by blackrose92 View Post
    its going good so far lol hmmm maybe you should add drama into it....like a dance she's going to or with a boy..or something to do with her killing/betraying someone....but off to a good start if you like any of those ideas ill help you write some toodles lol
    wat a wonderful idea why dont you set up some stanzas and ill check them out... rearrange if needed and post...

  4. #4
    Banned beast may be famous one day beast may be famous one day beast's Avatar
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    Re: Behind the scenes.

    First let me say that this poem is beautiful whether you add onto it or not. It is great. For the essence of poetry is to show a lot by saying a little and your work is amazing. But here is some stuff I thought of to get more indepth. It is sort of dark but here goes.

    That this prettty frame,
    hides a will so dark,
    Malice is its name,
    Makes contrast stark.

    Something dark inside,
    Never left just slept.
    In shadows it is kept.

    The smile on her face.
    Betrays intent of dread.
    Showed bright in a dark place
    Staring at the fresh dead.


    [LEFT]The original middle stanza that I had was four lines but I think the three lines in the middle is better and fits your style more but the the middle stanza in its four line form is : Something dark inside, Never left just slept, Where none think it would hide, in shadows it is kept. I feel the three line version is better. I would be honored if you used any of it.

  5. #5
    Otaku Stickicide 2 Champion starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036's Avatar
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    Re: Behind the scenes.

    Quote Originally Posted by beast View Post
    First let me say that this poem is beautiful whether you add onto it or not. It is great. For the essence of poetry is to show a lot by saying a little and your work is amazing. But here is some stuff I thought of to get more indepth. It is sort of dark but here goes.

    That this prettty frame,
    hides a will so dark,
    Malice is its name,
    Makes contrast stark.

    Something dark inside,
    Never left just slept.
    In shadows it is kept.

    The smile on her face.
    Betrays intent of dread.
    Showed bright in a dark place
    Staring at the fresh dead.


    [LEFT]The original middle stanza that I had was four lines but I think the three lines in the middle is better and fits your style more but the the middle stanza in its four line form is : Something dark inside, Never left just slept, Where none think it would hide, in shadows it is kept. I feel the three line version is better. I would be honored if you used any of it.



    Something dark inside,
    Never left just slept.
    In your pain it will hide,
    In shadows it is kept.
    ??? xD i like four lines >.> it is an oddity or my poems lol they all have 4 x 4 or 4 x 5 x 4 >.>

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