Thread: Behind the scenes.

its going good so far lol hmmm maybe you should add drama into it....like a dance she's going to or with a boy..or something to do with her killing/betraying someone....but off to a good start if you like any of those ideas ill help you write some toodles lol

Originally Posted by blackrose92

its going good so far lol hmmm maybe you should add drama into it....like a dance she's going to or with a boy..or something to do with her killing/betraying someone....but off to a good start if you like any of those ideas ill help you write some toodles lol

wat a wonderful idea why dont you set up some stanzas and ill check them out... rearrange if needed and post...

First let me say that this poem is beautiful whether you add onto it or not. It is great. For the essence of poetry is to show a lot by saying a little and your work is amazing. But here is some stuff I thought of to get more indepth. It is sort of dark but here goes.

That this prettty frame,
hides a will so dark,
Malice is its name,
Makes contrast stark.

Something dark inside,
Never left just slept.
In shadows it is kept.

The smile on her face.
Betrays intent of dread.
Showed bright in a dark place
Staring at the fresh dead.

[LEFT]The original middle stanza that I had was four lines but I think the three lines in the middle is better and fits your style more but the the middle stanza in its four line form is : Something dark inside, Never left just slept, Where none think it would hide, in shadows it is kept. I feel the three line version is better. I would be honored if you used any of it.

Originally Posted by beast

First let me say that this poem is beautiful whether you add onto it or not. It is great. For the essence of poetry is to show a lot by saying a little and your work is amazing. But here is some stuff I thought of to get more indepth. It is sort of dark but here goes.

That this prettty frame,
hides a will so dark,
Malice is its name,
Makes contrast stark.

Something dark inside,
Never left just slept.
In shadows it is kept.

The smile on her face.
Betrays intent of dread.
Showed bright in a dark place
Staring at the fresh dead.

[LEFT]The original middle stanza that I had was four lines but I think the three lines in the middle is better and fits your style more but the the middle stanza in its four line form is : Something dark inside, Never left just slept, Where none think it would hide, in shadows it is kept. I feel the three line version is better. I would be honored if you used any of it.

Something dark inside,
Never left just slept.
In your pain it will hide,
In shadows it is kept.
??? xD i like four lines >.> it is an oddity or my poems lol they all have 4 x 4 or 4 x 5 x 4 >.>