Deep inside I ache with
Despair but no one
Can even feel the
Presence I bare.
They do not see what
Lies ahead, when the
Sun has failed and
The moon is dead.
Black is the night
Wide is the land
Cold is your heart
Red are my hands.
Love is the slowest
Form of suicide.
They underestimated
Me, now they are all dead.
Last edited by flaminghate; Feb 15, 2007 at 01:49 AM.
Nice poem, but the use of commas in this particular poem, is over used! I mean you have the right idea about punctuation, but go easy on it. Now unless you intended to write it that way then okay, but from a critique stand point, like I said before don't over do it with the commas okay? Keep up the good work I see there are a lot of poems here from you!
i really like this one to! it really does explain love and what it does to ppl!
IN THE END IT DOSENT EVEN MATTER
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