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Thread: Blocks of Life

  1. #1
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Blocks of Life

    I wrote this poem the other day just based off of friends experiences and personal one! I don't think I did so good on this one. Comments are always welcomed as well as critiques.


    Blocks of Life



    Life goes in stage like the world revolves around the sun
    Being born into this world we’re taught what to think and feel.
    Time goes on and we begin to form our own opinions and think
    Yet there is always someone trying to force feed us politics.


    As young adults we start to learn about the joys and sorrows
    Love begins to weave its tangled web of deception to ensnare.
    Breaking hearts and allowing love to be captured and cherished
    Still someone is there to tell you how they think love should be.


    Now you’re on your own and realize how cruel the world can be
    You want someone to be there to give you guidance and comfort.
    Instead you are cast out of their warm embrace to pain and grief
    Forced to make your own decisions you begin to ponder and plan.


    Life begins anew; as you start to resolve the problematic equations
    The feelings of being controlled no longer there as they once were.
    You begin to see what the outcome each stage of life has brought
    For now you know and realize these stages are building blocks.

  2. #2
    Lost In My Own World Fishing the Sea Champion, LastTank Standing Champion Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra's Avatar
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    Re: Blocks of Life

    Life goes in stage like the world revolves around the sun
    ^s the s is supposed to go after stages.

    Life begins anew; as you start resolve the problematic equations
    ^to the to is to go between start and resolve.

    Just a little bit of corrections but other then that your poem is awsome. I liked the part:

    Love begins to weave its tangled web of deception to ensnare.
    Breaking hearts and allowing love to be captured and cherished
    Still someone is there to tell you how they think love should be.
    Now you’re on your own and realize how cruel the world can be
    You want someone to be there to give you guidance and comfort.
    Instead you are cast out of their warm embrace to pain and grief
    Forced to make your own decisions you begin to ponder and plan.
    Those are the best parts about your whole poem. Keep it up and I can't wait to see the next one.
    ™Mommy To Micah And Shawn!™


    Thanks For The Amazing Tag Pyro!

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    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    Re: Blocks of Life

    a very good poem, i like the two middle verse sounds real good, keep it up homey

  4. #4
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Blocks of Life

    Ky-lyrra: Thank you for the comments and the corrections that you've spotted out in my poem! I appreciate the critique.

    Hellknight: Thanks homey for the awesome comment and I will do my best to contiune writing poems. I wrote this poem for the potw contest in my clan.

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    Sorrow's Angel Shinigami's_Angel may be famous one day Shinigami's_Angel may be famous one day Shinigami's_Angel's Avatar
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    Re: Blocks of Life

    Wow,this was really good Fox!! What am I saying,all of your work is awesome!! I really liked this poem of your's cause it express how cruel life can really be.Awesome job as always!
    Made by- Ryomakurosaki (Thank you sooooo much!!) ^__^

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    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Blocks of Life

    *Hugs Angel* Thank you! I started writing the poem the day I got home from work, and then I saw that we had a potw in the clan so I geared it more toward the potw. But I was really impressed at how it turned out! Thank You for you wonderful comments Angel!

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    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    Re: Blocks of Life

    another poem about life thats where the best words come
    from expressinh life with a pen or even a laptop or pc your
    still showing lifs true intentions and thats what this poem is all
    about life can be cruel but you leearn from it and move on.
    very awesome poem bro
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  8. #8
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Blocks of Life

    Hey Bro,

    Thanks for the awesome comment! I truly appreciated it and welcome back! As I told you I started to write this poem one day when I came home from work and then I saw potw contest and geared it more toward that! I wrote this poem from the heart and off of personal experiences. I've seen enough things in my life time and to finally put it into words was a major accomplishment for me! Once again thanks bro the the awesome comment!

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