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Thread: Blue star,

  1. #1
    Newbie creamsilver may be famous one day creamsilver may be famous one day creamsilver's Avatar
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    Blue star,

    You left me there on the floor
    Bleeding
    Crying
    Dying slowly in pain

    Crimson snow fell from the night sky
    My white wings of love changed
    into the black wings of hate.

    In the end I fell from my dream up high
    lost my freedom and will to fly.
    As I was tied down to fate
    Tied to death
    Living in hell

    You soon became out of my reach
    you went to far
    I couldnt get any closer
    to the feather that was flying so high

    In the end I couldnt be you wings of love
    Your blue star
    Your night sky
    Your starry night

    I shall wait for your replies so I can write better poems

    If you try and fly to your goal you will only fall from the starry sky

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Blue star,

    the first stanza I relly like. It has a nice flow and it catches the reader's attention. however the second and third stanza? Well, punctuation is required for the rest of the poem to give it a flow. Also:

    Crimson snow fell from the night sky
    My white wings of love changed
    into the black wings of hate.


    I'm ot understanding how black wings can be a result of crimson snow. Try to be a bit more clear in your point of a stanza.
    Seduced by Flesh


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