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Thread: Breakdown

  1. #1
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Angry Breakdown

    I pull my hair, bang my head...
    No one is around.
    No one here to witness my
    Breakdown.
    Breakdown.

    I cant believe I fell...
    Fell for your joke. Played your game.
    Fell right into every word.
    Now I'll never be the same.
    Just the poster child for embarrassment.
    The definition of shame.
    Lately all I hear is screaming,
    But, its all inside my brain!
    AAaaaah I swear! I can't escape the sound!
    You made a fool of me, and now Im a social clown!
    Make it all go away.
    See if these thoughts can drown.
    This is my breakdown.
    Breakdown.
    Breakdown.

    You knew that I loved you.
    You know I always will.
    Guess I make an easy target.
    My heart's an easy kill.
    I'll let you get the best of me,
    until Im cold and still.
    But Im the fool, because I knew
    you had no time to heal.
    You're always underneath her.
    You think about her everyday.
    Yet you let me to think Id have your heart.
    But, you have none to give away.
    Its funny, 'cause I had you first.
    Then that B*tch usurped my crown.
    Now all thats left to do is..
    Breakdown.
    Breakdown.
    Breakdown.

    I don't care anymore.
    I have no more pride.
    Tried to fight the tears,
    But I lost. So I cried.
    I tried to save face.
    It didn't work, but I tried.
    Everyone saw me fall right in.
    Get my hopes up, so high.
    I knew they were all skeptical
    And I just wondered why.
    Everyone kept questioning us.
    Because they all could see.
    Everyone knew that I'd get hurt.
    Everyone but me.

    I can't see what I'm typing now.
    Its all a teary blur.
    Nothing for you to worry about.
    Just keep sitting under her.
    Let her be your obsession.
    Pointless infatuation.
    Forgive me if this poem lacks
    the proper punctuation.
    I really wanted to believe
    the truth of all the lies.
    Instead I sit and write this poem now,
    Through my teary eyes.
    I have nothing better to do.
    I cannot leave my home.
    Everyone just mentions you...
    ..They wont leave me alone.
    So let me hide away.
    Hide the tears. Hide the frown.
    Hide the fact you led me to...
    Breakdown.
    Breakdown.
    BREAKDOWN!
    ... Not Ever Again...

  2. #2
    Banned Big Bird Hunting Champion, Magic Ball Champion, Buzzer Champion, Book Worm Champion, Dragonfly Champion, Add It Up Champion, Trivial Blitz 2 Champion KimiFemi is off to a good start KimiFemi's Avatar
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    Re: Breakdown

    =( this poems is really good
    but it feels too real to critique
    so all I can say is I'm sorry you had to go through this thing

  3. #3
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: Breakdown

    Quote Originally Posted by KimiFemi View Post
    =( this poems is really good
    but it feels too real to critique
    so all I can say is I'm sorry you had to go through this thing
    Well Its not that great of a poem in my opinion... But it IS very real, and I had to get it out.
    ... Not Ever Again...

  4. #4
    Banned Big Bird Hunting Champion, Magic Ball Champion, Buzzer Champion, Book Worm Champion, Dragonfly Champion, Add It Up Champion, Trivial Blitz 2 Champion KimiFemi is off to a good start KimiFemi's Avatar
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    Re: Breakdown

    well I think its good
    to me the best ones are the ones you really feel
    not they way they rhyme
    or are put together
    but the ones that smack you with reality
    and force you to feel what the writer was feeling
    so .. I say it's good =)

  5. #5
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    Re: Breakdown

    Wow peach, what a pretty poem. So much emotion on just one page! >.< I'm sorry you had to go through all of this. You will get through this, though. It is possible! Nice poem. As kimi said, the best ones are the ones that come from the heart.

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