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Thread: Breakout

  1. #9
    Banned Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip's Avatar
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    Re: Breakout

    Why can't you get it's just a poem =_= 3/4th of my poems are just made up, do I have to write it down as well?

  2. #10
    Banned The White Wolf is off to a good start
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    Re: Breakout

    Right. Right. Well, you need to specify when these things are based on REAL LIFE. Because frankly, no I cannot tell when you are basing it off of actual experience, or you are just pulling these thoughts from your BRAIN.
    Last edited by The White Wolf; May 07, 2007 at 02:40 PM.

  3. #11
    Banned Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip's Avatar
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    Re: Breakout

    No from all I know I pull thoughts and feelings from my brain. And it's just a poem, you don't need to go on and specify whether or not it's based on a real experience.

  4. #12
    「Someone」 Goo Slasher Champion, Fish Kill Champion, Rapid Motion Champion, Cell-Out Champion, Sober Santa 2 Champion, Flower Girl Champion KuwiRules145 is off to a good start KuwiRules145's Avatar
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    Re: Breakout

    That sounds like a truthful and hurtful poem. Thats an amazing poem!!!!!! hope to see more in the future. What a cool poem!!!
    「When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead」

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    Otaku xxoxx is off to a good start xxoxx's Avatar
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    Re: Breakout

    wow nice one ..i love it ..deep feeling and very sad poem ..
    ...ohhh the words run out ....i do not have any other word ..just
    wow wow wow ..
    keeep up
    keeep up

    Foolish beating

  6. #14
    Otaku Lotski is off to a good start
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    Re: Breakout

    wow man! that hurts..
    i love readin it.. perfect for that poem.
    You made the right terms in there.
    makes me cry.. huhuhu..

    If you don't like me, it's mind over matter.
    I don't mind and you don't matter

  7. #15
    Decapitation?DontBePicky! Raimann may be famous one day Raimann may be famous one day Raimann's Avatar
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    Re: Breakout

    this poem is great. it makes me feel good about myself, and if someone wants to change me, I am who i am. props on this

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  8. #16
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    Re: Breakout

    Quote Originally Posted by Rave_Grip View Post
    Please go away and just leave me alone,
    I beg of you, cast away your cold shadows off me
    Just leave me to be

    It’s you who always makes me believe in things
    Which I don’t consider nor trust in
    I don’t know why I instigate
    To say the things I don’t mean

    You make me get tangled in the threads
    Threads of confusion, lust, agony, jealousy
    Of every negative feelings that I conceive
    You’re the one responsible for EVERYTHING

    Get off my mind and life forever
    Go and stick and rob someone else’s soul
    I don’t want to live off my memories
    I want to live…

    Ignore me all you want,
    Curse me with whatever comes into your pea brain
    The familiar anticipation of warmth and love will not degrade

    I don’t want to be the sensitive boy
    Who always bends and flutters like a feather
    Even by the lightest of breezes

    I won’t be a scavenger who feeds off rotten things
    I won’t be an idiot who falls in line with the scum
    I don’t want to be used and thrown away like garbage

    I am who I am, what I want to be
    There is nothing that is going to change the way I feel
    There will be no turning back on my past
    And there certainly will not be any negativity residing underneath
    I did not finish it. Take out the lot of your "ands" and describe them seperatly, and not as one thought. Because i feel robbed of imagery. The opening is a little sloppy, you could rewrite that better. Avoid using repetitive "I's" replace it with other words that describe ones self.
    Now make it awesome!

    I'm a glass child. I am Hannah's regrets. Monster.

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