Thread: Broken

you know i know how u feel that y i have a hard time trusting some one but nice poem i like it

This poem is has a very nice content: Loneliness, sadness, betrayal and hopelessness. You also presented descriptive words for effective imagery.


1. I do suggest proper capitalizations and punctuations for these help in the fluidity of the poem ^^.
2. Dividing the poem into stanzas can be good too. ^^
*the 2 pointers are only suggestions ^^*

Keep up the good work. ^^

I like how you obey some of the conventional rules of poetry and unlike the person before me I think that the rhythm and meter adds to the flow of the piece and make it possible without the "proper punctuation" not that I have anything against people who like such things but I'm totally pro enjambment.

My score:
8.7
I really like this.

This poem is more than likely one of the best poems I have ever heard in my life ^^. I can honestly tell you that I am not a super big fan of poems, but when it comes to yours, I make a BIG exception to the rule. I hope the that you continue to make poems he way that you do, they are inspiring to me.

Thank you all for your kind words i have gone ahead to make revisions on this.

Upon a building's roof i stand,
his final letter in my hand.
The wind is cold and cuts like glass,
but i don't care this day's my last.
Is it night or is it day?
In my grief i can not say.
I try to jump but then i fail,
once more i try to step back to the rail.
I asked for love and i got pain,
all my efforts done in vain.
When will these twins called love and pain,
be split and i be whole again.
I look up to the sky and see
a cruel God laughing at me.
I try so hard to be strong,
but once more i don't belong.
I realize that my tears fall softly to the ground.
I ask why and hear not a sound
Now my heart slowly weeps
As the wind to gently sing me to sleep

.

This is nicely performed and how everything got summed up with your feelings and emotions because not a lot of poems may do that at the same time. On how everything got affected by what the sky felt like and how the earth did for us but the emotions and feelings you had on you was more likely to control by itself, because everything in life does not achieve it by waiting for something to come up on your hand, you must do everything you can in order to get that right feeling and other personality you may wish for.

I must say, this poem has really strong will. Do please try to make it more of a stanze form, because it looks like it is in paragraph form rather then being plit up, also on how the words are being contradicted. But everything else you have done is really inspiring in what you have written so far and how you revised it into a more suitable position in the theme.

I really like that poem, it touchs me. Love the first two lines

upon a building's roof i stand
his final letter in my hand

I like it

it had that sad superhero feel to it.

other then a few grammar and punctuation, it was really good