I feel the emotion put into this poem. The things I see with this poem is and don't take this as I'm trying to bag on you, but the poem could've been broken up into to stanzas. From my stand point putting a poem into stanzas makes it easier for the readers. You also have good usage of punctuation so I can't really say anything on that. Overall that is what I see wrong with this poem is there is no division it just seems like a paragraph of your heart felt thoughts. But emotion wise you point is there and I understand what you are trying to get you readers to feel. You are well on you way Sango also nice use of end rhyme as well.