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Thread: A burdened life

  1. #1
    Otaku Dragons2801 is off to a good start Dragons2801's Avatar
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    A burdened life

    Life can give,
    Life can torture,
    To those whom live,
    To those that are lost,

    Life can be cruel,
    Life takes all,
    My soul is forlorn,
    My heart is burdened,

    My grief start to swell,
    My soul now distant,
    My mind is lost, within thought I dwell,
    But insanity is persistent,

    Knocking on the door of my mind,
    Pleading to let it in,
    Trying to trick my mind,
    To let it bind,

    But I do not budge,
    Nor do I falter,
    My mind is made up,
    I shall live on.

    please give me as much criticism as you can to help improve my writing.

    within the darkened realm of the mind, is endless shadows, wrenching pain, warming love, and burning desires.

  2. #2
    Newbie kingmustang is off to a good start kingmustang's Avatar
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    Re: A burdened life

    like this a lot It is a good example of someones state of mind when experiencing grief or other difficult situations.
    Sword in hand, fire in heart, I walk towards my future just playing my part.
    The school of the undefeated East! The winds of the king! Zenshin! Keiretsu! Tempa! Kyoran! Look! The East is burning red!” (G Gundam)
    Ride Fast, Live Free & Stay strong.

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