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Thread: candle

  1. #1
    Otaku ryomakurosaki is off to a good start ryomakurosaki's Avatar
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    candle

    Candle

    The fall of night
    The brightness of the moon
    They all reflect you

    The way you smile
    The way you laugh
    make me wonder
    could i have a life like that?

    The tenderness of your kiss
    The softness of your touch
    makes me weaker
    but also stronger

    You give me hope
    when all is lost
    You tell me you love me the way i am
    when i could change
    You're my candle in my broken heaven
    You're my angel in the dark sky
    You're my lover that will stay by my side...
    [/CENTER][/COLOR][/FONT]

  2. #2
    Otaku ING Cricket Champion, Chickenboy Chucky Champion, Dancer duck Champion, Jake,s Fire Power Champion, Bomber Bob Champion, Road Hogs Champion, Van Champion, Hacker Champion, Gorillaz Tiles Champion, Clicken Gold Champion, Galleon Champion, QBeez Champion ihauntforlust is off to a good start
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    Smile Re: candle

    Mhm...Another nice piece of 'art' by Ryo ^-^;

    Very sweet, and the titles matches with it really well!
    Personaly, I love your discription it it.

    [Edit]
    ...I just saw now that in the end of the verse I think you should use...

    'You're' instead of 'Your' <-----You know what I mean?

  3. #3
    Otaku aeonking is off to a good start
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    Re: candle

    WOW, such a great poem.

    It has amazing emotion and is very moving.

    You should do more like this one its superb.



  4. #4
    Otaku ryomakurosaki is off to a good start ryomakurosaki's Avatar
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    Re: candle

    Quote Originally Posted by ihauntforlust View Post
    Mhm...Another nice piece of 'art' by Ryo ^-^;

    Very sweet, and the titles matches with it really well!
    Personaly, I love your discription it it.

    [Edit]
    ...I just saw now that in the end of the verse I think you should use...

    'You're' instead of 'Your' <-----You know what I mean?
    really thank you^^ wow i think people will like this one better than my last one because it was sad... but again thanks for the wonderful reply

    and thxs for the advice i already changed it^^ if you spot anymore mistakes please let me know ^^

    (p.s. thank you too aeon^^)
    [/CENTER][/COLOR][/FONT]

  5. #5
    NalaMidnight Eggs Champion P.R. Princess may be famous one day P.R. Princess may be famous one day P.R. Princess's Avatar
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    Re: candle

    I thought it was good.....

    umm yea like in the first two stanzas it looked like you were trying to make the last line rhyme with another line in the same stanza but in stanza three it kinda broke. to me it threw of the flow of the poem but then at the end you got it back and it was good again.
    ^_^

    So yea just that one little thing. But other than that I liked it and the emotion was very clear to me.
    Good job!!
    Keep it up!!
    ^_^

    ~Falling in love one step at a time~
    ~ MYSPACE~AWESOME PLACE TO SAVE~

  6. #6
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: candle

    Really nice... the repetition didn't seem annoying at all, the flow fitted the theme and together with everything else created a wonderful mood... it was really nice to read this... a very lovely poem ^^

    the only part that seemed a bit odd was:
    makes me weaker
    but also stronger
    I don't know... it kinda gets out of the rhythm and... it seems... well it's not the most beautiful way to say it... But it's not that bad either...

    I really, really enjoyed reading this!!!!!!!! ^^ Thank You for it and I hope to see something more soon ^^

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  7. #7
    Golden Crypt Lord James Bunny Champion, Leaf Bouncer Champion, Flying Pengus Champion, Jungle Jumble Champion, Hungry Hippaul Champion LichGRIFFIN may be famous one day LichGRIFFIN's Avatar
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    Re: candle

    very good poem indeed (expected from you) but it's a bit short and very beautiful ,the contradictory of words potential inside meaning(s) are the most beautiful part "weaker" "stronger" and the last part is very good too using strong words such "broken heaven" and "dark sky (used but still good)" so in short very good overall
    Life and Death are always one and the same
    EVEN IF A RAINBOW IS BROKEN THERE'S STILL THE SKY

  8. #8
    Newbie Dragon Born is off to a good start Dragon Born's Avatar
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    Re: candle

    Love and darkness in the same peom that is well written, that is rare.
    http://www.animeonline.net/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=63373&dateline=120585  9741
    "How to draw a dragon: 'Cautiously approach the dragon, offer it a piece of candy or a little sister, and draw while it happily munches away.'" J. Neodragon Peffer

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