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Thread: Cant let you stay.

  1. #1
    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Cant let you stay.

    my life is empty in a whole new way today,
    Because I had to be the big girl, I could not play.
    I had to stand up, and prove I knew what was right.
    Even though I had to start this fight.
    I should have never gone there and said what I said.
    And all I can think as I crawl into bed,
    Is how sweet the nothingness of sleep really is,
    And how hard the day is to pull through.
    Especially with the thought of you,
    Loving someone else, or thinking she's prettier then I.
    It really makes my selfish ass want to die.
    But I did this and I have to deal with it.
    I can't change the past only the future.
    And mine can't include you in it.
    I can't be responcible for the reason you don't see,
    The seed that you produced. It needs to grow,
    And so do you.
    I can't be responcible for your lackluster life,
    And I know your life would suck, if I was your wife.
    I can't be happy, I'm evil, I'm mean.
    And I can't do that to you too.
    So let me slip into my nothingness.
    It hurts so much less then knowing I can't let you stay.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

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    Dragonrider Ichigo_06 is off to a good start Ichigo_06's Avatar
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    Re: Cant let you stay.

    Holy crap Bratling I dont know what to say although I think that one might have been better in stanzas and hum maybe...........ah whatever when I read it it felt like something was being torn out and I think that is how he felt too, hum well keep up the good work.
    ナサン フォオツド
    Keep what you hold dear close for one day they may be gone forever!
    Make one person smile for it will continue to spread but if you make a frown that will spread as well.http://www.animeonline.net/gallery/s...0/ppuser/57173

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    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Re: Cant let you stay.

    That's what it felt like while I was writing. Like...ripping, tearing, being pulled away. It sucks. But I'm glad I conveyed it clearly enough. I agree though the whole big block of text thing is often a turn off to readers.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

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    Rawr~ :3 Boxteroid Champion, flyplane Champion, Home Run Champion, Bubbelfutsch Champion, Fire Fighter Champion, Brendans Soccer Champion, Movie Star Match-Up Champion, Total blackout Champion, Text Your Reflexes Champion, Scary movie Champion, Hulk Smash Up Champion, Star Wars Champion, Extreme Snowboarding Champion, Air Disc Champion, Action Fish Champion, A Game Of 3 Halves Champion, Battleball Champion, Hacky Sack Champion, FAD 2003 Champion, SQRL Golf Champion, Dr Yeckyl and Mr Ride Champion, Sky Glide Champion, Flyer Champion, Finnair Champion, Drachenjagd Champion, Canyon Glider Champion, City Surfing Champion, Action Driving Game Champion, Extreme Rowing Champion, Kardahdg Champion, Acceleracers Track Mod Champion, Final Test Champion, Du Wichtel Champion, Pedal Power Champion, Camera Killer 2 Champion, Bike Mania on ICE Champion, ATV Winter Challenge Champion, Caliber Dash Champion, Diesel and Death Champion, Snow Ride Champion, Camera Killer Champion, Pepsi Jet Ski Champion, Bumper Cars Championship Champion, Drifting Champion, Get A Grip Champion, Rooney on the Rampage Champion, Death To Ninja Champion, Kung Fu Hustle 2 Champion, Muay Thai Champion, Metal Arm FAWEGE Champion, Knife Champion, Classroom Fighter Champion, Nobuyuki Forces 3 Champion, Caddeva Champion, Sewer Dweller Champion, Angel Mart Champion, Snowy Champion, Bola Champion, Boiler Room Champion, Bobcat Champion, Amazon Quest Champion, Booty Champion, Five Errors Champion, Mind Your Marbles Champion, Angel Fruit Champion, Binggrae Champion, Candy Shoot Champion, Imperial tiles Champion, Himalayaya - Yeti Strikes Back Champion, Terrorist Attack Champion, Americas Army Champion, Special Operations Champion, Destroy the robots Champion, Cubicle Warfare Champion, Battle Field Champion, Weapons Dealer Champion, Army Copter Champion, Flat War Champion, Terrorist Alert Champion, Bully Basher Champion, Reaktor Champion, Bungee Rescue Champion, The Contraptor Champion, Boris Champion, Carling Cold Champion, Paddleball Champion RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe's Avatar
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    Re: Cant let you stay.

    @.@ sheesh... theres lot of emotion embedded in that one... not just one..multiple.. nicely done...

    Keep it up... ^^

    Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!!
    I'm BACK AO!
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    Dragonrider Ichigo_06 is off to a good start Ichigo_06's Avatar
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    Re: Cant let you stay.

    Quote Originally Posted by bratling View Post
    That's what it felt like while I was writing. Like...ripping, tearing, being pulled away. It sucks. But I'm glad I conveyed it clearly enough. I agree though the whole big block of text thing is often a turn off to readers.
    yeah but sometimes the words also catch peoples attention too bratling. like this one and the title cought mine. keep it up.
    ナサン フォオツド
    Keep what you hold dear close for one day they may be gone forever!
    Make one person smile for it will continue to spread but if you make a frown that will spread as well.http://www.animeonline.net/gallery/s...0/ppuser/57173

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    Slippery When Wet~ Trampoline Tricks 2 Champion, Togy Ball Champion highteckdudu is off to a good start highteckdudu's Avatar
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    Re: Cant let you stay.

    I'm running out of things to say! I have commented on so much of your work! And most of the feelings are the same, cuz most of your poems are sad. well keep it up! cant wait for more!
    I tryed to see things from your point of view but i cant seem to get my head that far up my ass!
    Visit www.highteckdudu.deviantart.com!

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    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Re: Cant let you stay.

    Quote Originally Posted by RayMe View Post
    @.@ sheesh... theres lot of emotion embedded in that one... not just one..multiple.. nicely done...

    Keep it up... ^^
    I'm glad you can see the mix of emotions. They are often really conflicting for me anyways so it's difficult for me to pinpoint that mix.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ichigo_06 View Post
    yeah but sometimes the words also catch peoples attention too bratling. like this one and the title cought mine. keep it up.
    Yeah. I agree. I often read only by titles. If I don't like the title I save time by assuming I won't like the poem. I love when I'm suprised by them though.
    Quote Originally Posted by highteckdudu View Post
    I'm running out of things to say! I have commented on so much of your work! And most of the feelings are the same, cuz most of your poems are sad. well keep it up! cant wait for more!
    I appriciate your comments. Thank you! I'm glad you think so highly of my work. It's sad yeah...devistated even. My world has been crumbling for more then a year now. I don't know how else to write I guess.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

  8. #8
    Dragonrider Ichigo_06 is off to a good start Ichigo_06's Avatar
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    Re: Cant let you stay.

    but also the title can be off even if it sounds interesting it could be boring to. cant judge a book by the title.
    ナサン フォオツド
    Keep what you hold dear close for one day they may be gone forever!
    Make one person smile for it will continue to spread but if you make a frown that will spread as well.http://www.animeonline.net/gallery/s...0/ppuser/57173

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