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Thread: Can't live without you

  1. #1
    Newbie Kuinta is off to a good start
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    Can't live without you

    I thought we'd be together
    thinking it would last forever
    It seemed like only yesterday
    we made that promise to be married someday
    Reminiscing those days
    when nothing kept us apart
    After embracing you into my arms
    and looking deep into your eyes
    I knew you were the one
    To spend the rest of my life with you
    until Death takes my soul
    But on that day
    life took its toll
    when you moved away
    Our ties now severed
    yet my feeling still unchanged
    Years have gone by
    but my hope remains
    Awaiting that day
    when we would meet again
    I searched high and low
    for any leads to your location
    despite the long duration
    I still wanted to see you
    No matter what
    my highest priority was to find you
    When I finally found you
    I wish I didn't
    To me, our promise was everything
    To you, now it means nothing
    for you have found another
    to spend rest of your life with
    You told me your wedding was in July
    After hearing those dreadful words
    I just wanted to die
    The feelings of love
    soon became feelings of resentment
    So here ends my story
    The life I had once dreamt of
    now just blunt memories
    Facing the mirror
    I put the heater to my brain
    pull the trigger
    and wait for my consciousness to wane

    *Sorry if my poem seems inappropriate or disturbing in any way

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    Re: Can't live without you

    Theres a lot going on here... Almost to the point of this seeming less poetic and more... short storyish (try saying that 5x fast).

    Perhaps putting in breaks to present more of a rythm would help.
    ... Not Ever Again...

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    Kuinta (Aug 21, 2008)

  4. #3
    Newbie Kuinta is off to a good start
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    Re: Can't live without you

    Quote Originally Posted by Peach_follows View Post
    Theres a lot going on here... Almost to the point of this seeming less poetic and more... short storyish (try saying that 5x fast).

    Perhaps putting in breaks to present more of a rythm would help.
    Ok..sorry about the whole rambling on story within this poem. Next time, I'll try to concentrate on having my poems with a trend and better rhythm. Thanks for the advice.

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