Caught cheating

*Lasura* · Aug 09, 2007, 02:28 AM

The pulse in my head,
The door open wide.
The two caught right there,
With blood on their hands.

“Why thank You very much!
You dirty piece of scum!
Because of you it seems
I’ve lost my faith in life.”

I’ll have my revenge, don’t worry.
I’ll make them beg on their knees to stop.
A weapon I have far more powerful than evil-
A few simple words will do it.

Trust.
A slap in his face.
A spit at her feet.
“You promised you’d never leave me...”

Love.
“I loved you so much…
I’d die just to see your smile.
You’ve destroyed it all!”

His laugh piercing my ears.
His scent making me sick.
“Don’t call forth the past!
Stop talking in rhymes-
Your muses won’t help you!
There’s nothing you can do.
Forget it or leave.”

Honor.
“What a disgrace to attack the unarmed,
What foulness to play with the heart of a naïve…
You’ll never be forgiven…”

Cold.
“To you I’ll be
As cold as you are to me-
Won’t move a finger to help you out
Won’t share a tear when you leave this world.”

Courage.
“Look in my eyes!
Look in my eyes and explain!”
Won’t let you leave until you’ve suffered enough.

An empty house,
A hollow soul…
You can keep these things, my dear.
You should have known better…

A curse I laid on you-
Never to forget this,
Never to forgive yourself.
Just a few little words-
You don’t seem to be laughing now….

*Rave_Grip* · Aug 09, 2007, 04:11 AM

Wow, even though it's a long poem it's still a quick read, and you have done a very good job

There is a nice flow, keep it up.

*Lasura* · Aug 09, 2007, 04:41 AM

Thank You Rave very much!!! ^^ I'm glad you like it and all the things you said are so good to hear...

*Peach_follows* · Aug 09, 2007, 05:12 AM

Oooh, I got a little worked up in this. Though, I've never caught someone cheating... I've had many people inform me that they saw the line being crossed.
I used to feel resentment like what you've written in here. Maybe worse. To want someone to suffer as they so carelessy made me suffer.

Then I found out... to know of anothers suffering (even if they have wronged me)... It doesn't take my pain away. Infact... it may make it worse.

Chaos105 · Aug 09, 2007, 05:39 AM

Very nice. It was very smooth and lots of feeling. Your poems are very strong in words. They give me inspiration for some poems that come into my mind. Great job.

*Lasura* · Aug 09, 2007, 06:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peach_follows

Oooh, I got a little worked up in this. Though, I've never caught someone cheating... I've had many people inform me that they saw the line being crossed.
I used to feel resentment like what you've written in here. Maybe worse. To want someone to suffer as they so carelessy made me suffer.

Then I found out... to know of anothers suffering (even if they have wronged me)... It doesn't take my pain away. Infact... it may make it worse.

I know that very well, still I think I would act just as I describe here if I caught someone cheating on me... Thank You for the comment!!! ^^

And thank You Chaos very, very much!!!!!!! I'm really glad to hear you like my work so much!!! ^^ I just feel flattered...

Seirika · Aug 09, 2007, 07:31 AM

Gosh,this title caught my eye.
I looove this poem is all I can say.The structure,the feeling,the mood it's all good.
Lol,I think by most,it's the best poem I ever read.

*atomik_sprout* · Aug 09, 2007, 02:21 PM

WOW! So much emotion! So much pure, unadulterated angst.

I love it! ^_^ This is really good, Laura. I like how you broke down your meaning behind every word (I.E: Love, trust, etc).

Very, very good! This poem rocked my socks off. ^_^

*Lasura* · Aug 09, 2007, 03:43 PM

WoW!!!! @.@ I'm so glad to hear you like this so much Ofelia!!! The best you've read? O.O What an hounour to hear something like that... Thank You sooo much!!! *hugs*

Quote:

Originally Posted by atomik_sprout

WOW! So much emotion! So much pure, unadulterated angst.

I love it! ^_^ This is really good, Laura. I like how you broke down your meaning behind every word (I.E: Love, trust, etc).

Very, very good! This poem rocked my socks off. ^_^

Thank You Sprout!!! ^^ I'm really glad to hear this one even rocked those socks off!!!
And I think that the word thingy comes from you.... you write like that all the time and well... somehow I thought I should write it like this this time...

Seirika · Aug 09, 2007, 06:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lasura

The best you've read? O.O What an hounour to hear something like that... Thank You sooo much!!! *hugs*

Why is it such an honor?
I merely complimented a good poem written by a excellent poet.

Aug 09, 2007, 02:28 AM	#1 (permalink)
Lasura Angelic Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: In a Demon's Arms Posts: 1,866 Thanks: 56 Thanked 32 Times in 30 Posts Credits: 49,182	Caught cheating The pulse in my head, The door open wide. The two caught right there, With blood on their hands. “Why thank You very much! You dirty piece of scum! Because of you it seems I’ve lost my faith in life.” I’ll have my revenge, don’t worry. I’ll make them beg on their knees to stop. A weapon I have far more powerful than evil- A few simple words will do it. Trust. A slap in his face. A spit at her feet. “You promised you’d never leave me...” Love. “I loved you so much… I’d die just to see your smile. You’ve destroyed it all!” His laugh piercing my ears. His scent making me sick. “Don’t call forth the past! Stop talking in rhymes- Your muses won’t help you! There’s nothing you can do. Forget it or leave.” Honor. “What a disgrace to attack the unarmed, What foulness to play with the heart of a naïve… You’ll never be forgiven…” Cold. “To you I’ll be As cold as you are to me- Won’t move a finger to help you out Won’t share a tear when you leave this world.” Courage. “Look in my eyes! Look in my eyes and explain!” Won’t let you leave until you’ve suffered enough. An empty house, A hollow soul… You can keep these things, my dear. You should have known better… A curse I laid on you- Never to forget this, Never to forgive yourself. Just a few little words- You don’t seem to be laughing now…. __________________ My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge
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Aug 09, 2007, 04:11 AM	#2 (permalink)
Rave_Grip I hate idiots on AO. Kill Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Life is an illusion. Posts: 2,314 Thanks: 0 Thanked 11 Times in 11 Posts Credits: 14,832	Re: Caught cheating Wow, even though it's a long poem it's still a quick read, and you have done a very good job There is a nice flow, keep it up. __________________ Wherever you see, there is always 98% of people who love something; and 2% that don't. I'm pretty sure that not ALL 98% of peeps don't support Lolita or anything. So if you agree, put it in your sig. \| .:~My AO Gallery~:. \| \| .:~The AO Rules~:. \|
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Aug 09, 2007, 04:41 AM	#3 (permalink)
Lasura Angelic Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: In a Demon's Arms Posts: 1,866 Thanks: 56 Thanked 32 Times in 30 Posts Credits: 49,182	Re: Caught cheating Thank You Rave very much!!! ^^ I'm glad you like it and all the things you said are so good to hear... __________________ My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge
Status: Offline

Aug 09, 2007, 05:12 AM	#4 (permalink)
Peach_follows Femmebot's feel nothing. Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Friendly Fridley Posts: 1,026 Thanks: 42 Thanked 32 Times in 30 Posts Credits: 2,204	Re: Caught cheating Oooh, I got a little worked up in this. Though, I've never caught someone cheating... I've had many people inform me that they saw the line being crossed. I used to feel resentment like what you've written in here. Maybe worse. To want someone to suffer as they so carelessy made me suffer. Then I found out... to know of anothers suffering (even if they have wronged me)... It doesn't take my pain away. Infact... it may make it worse. __________________ Who needs a spray can, when you're a femmebot? http://www.myspace.com/j1gg481tt
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Aug 09, 2007, 05:39 AM	#5 (permalink)
Chaos105 Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Unknown Posts: 101 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 1,484	Re: Caught cheating Very nice. It was very smooth and lots of feeling. Your poems are very strong in words. They give me inspiration for some poems that come into my mind. Great job. __________________ They say, "I will die for my country." I never hear them say, "I will kill for my country."
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Welcome to AnimeOnline.net, your personal Anime Community!	Anime Online Rulez!

Aug 09, 2007, 07:31 AM	#7 (permalink)
Seirika Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Somewhere over the RAINBOW Posts: 152 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 1,700	Re: Caught cheating Gosh,this title caught my eye. I looove this poem is all I can say.The structure,the feeling,the mood it's all good. Lol,I think by most,it's the best poem I ever read. __________________ Become a wind, unfathomable distress. I'll hold back your loneliness.
Status: Offline

Aug 09, 2007, 02:21 PM	#8 (permalink)
atomik_sprout CHUCK NORRIS!!! Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 2,087 Thanks: 55 Thanked 69 Times in 64 Posts Credits: 110,749	Re: Caught cheating WOW! So much emotion! So much pure, unadulterated angst. I love it! ^_^ This is really good, Laura. I like how you broke down your meaning behind every word (I.E: Love, trust, etc). Very, very good! This poem rocked my socks off. ^_^ __________________ http://www.myspace.com/boondocksamurai
Status: Offline

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