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Thread: Clear Vision

  1. #1
    Newbie AngelOfDarkness21 is off to a good start AngelOfDarkness21's Avatar
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    Clear Vision

    I hear,
    The whispers,
    Of the unspoken.

    I feel,
    the lie,
    Of the betrayer.

    I taste,
    The blood,
    Of the broken heart.

    Iknow,
    the beginning,
    Of the end.

    I touch,
    The heart,
    Of the tainted love.

    All of this,
    Is not love,
    It is confusion.

    It is,
    The evil,
    That has mislead you.

    It has,
    Shown you wrong,
    You must fix your mistakes.

  2. #2
    Zev
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    Re: Clear Vision

    I like the meaning of the poem and it was written very well. The only thing I could see an improvement on it possibly making the lines a bit longer. As it is now, its short and sweet.

    Signature is a Gwenibe original.

  3. #3
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    Re: Clear Vision

    Yea.. it has good meaning behind it.. easy to understand... catchy phrases... good flow to it... but.. it's kinda too simple like Zev mentioned... but this is still a very well done work ^^ unique to my eyes... well done.. Kudos to you~ ^^

    Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!!
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    Newbie AngelOfDarkness21 is off to a good start AngelOfDarkness21's Avatar
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    Re: Clear Vision

    That was kind of the purpose. I find that a lot of my other poems are VERY long. So I thought that I would make one that was short, sweet, and straight to the point. Though like a lot of my poetry I dont recall writing it. So it is how it is as, i really cant go back and fix it, as it would probably turn out bad. But I am glad that you like it, I think the funny thing is that I entered in a contest once and dont remember doing it. It was even worse was that it got published. Though it wasnt this poem...the one that I am talking about is called "The Broken Child".

    AoD


    Thanks for the kudos, and comment thou like I had said before I dont actually remember writing any of it. All my poems are old works, and they are as they are, as I cant make them any longer, go figure that I have a type of amnesia or something. lol

    AoD
    Last edited by Zev; Aug 15, 2009 at 07:10 PM. Reason: Fixing double post.

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    Newbie Sabishii is off to a good start Sabishii's Avatar
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    Re: Clear Vision

    I liked this a LOT. Keep it up. ^w^
    Also, dont forget that double posting is against the rules, AoD.

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    Re: Clear Vision

    Sabishii beat me to it seem.. >.< gee lol... *pokes sabishii* mod wannabe....

    You're welcomed... good thing post count here don't count if not you'll get ur first slap of infraction already... be careful from now on.. better start reading the rules...

    Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!!
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  7. #7
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    Re: Clear Vision

    Quote Originally Posted by RayMe View Post
    Sabishii beat me to it seem.. >.< gee lol... *pokes sabishii* mod wannabe....

    You're welcomed... good thing post count here don't count if not you'll get ur first slap of infraction already... be careful from now on.. better start reading the rules...
    *Pokes back* No poking. >w> Muhaha. (And I am not a mod wannabe, where did you get that from? I just remembered hating it when I found out the hard way... Sniffles)

    Once again, though. I really did like this poem
    Last edited by Sabishii; Aug 15, 2009 at 07:17 PM.

  8. #8
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    Re: Clear Vision

    Nothing wrong with staying short and to the point. Littany certainly isn't dead.

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