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Thread: Come back please

  1. #1
    Banned Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip's Avatar
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    Come back please

    For my friends who left ... anyways a [strange] poem XD

    Sceneries being blown away seem to whirl in front of me
    Even if I get desperate, I won't overlook my target anymore
    An unreliable map should be burnt
    I'll grasp onto the buried truth with my hands

    I came running frantically -hastily-
    The throb of my heartbeats feels deafening enough to burst
    Your voice is echoing -shouting-
    There's no time to be like standing still here

    Even if my countless wounds get hugged
    For a moment and gently, I won't let my soul get taken
    On the other side of that hill, if I met you
    I'd only think about what to start talking from

    I came running frantically -hastily-
    The throb of my heartbeats feels deafening enough to burst
    Your voice is echoing -shouting-
    There's no time to be like standing still here

    PLEASE. TRUST ME. My heart -runs- underneath that sky
    I can't stop my idle feelings from crying out
    Surely I'll -reach- you in a little while
    The sunlight shines hotly across this path

    I know ... it is kind of lame ... wasn't sure about the title ^^;

  2. #2
    AO shady bystander Comboling Champion bassdudez may be famous one day bassdudez may be famous one day bassdudez's Avatar
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    Re: Come back please

    Hmm..... lame? NOt really.....

    Its very nicely structured Rave. I cant seem to figure out the exact meaning of the whole piece yet..... struggle.... struggle.......

    But so far, the emotions are really well put out. The use of repetition was interesting, if not effective. And I think you used a lot of nice deep adjectives there, which formed some nice images.

    Great job Rave
    Kastelic's creation



  3. #3
    Banned Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip's Avatar
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    Re: Come back please

    I know ... wasn't sure about the title ^^;
    Thanks

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    AO shady bystander Comboling Champion bassdudez may be famous one day bassdudez may be famous one day bassdudez's Avatar
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    Re: Come back please

    The title? Hmm...... well, it attracted me enough for me to read your poem ^_^

    And it's a nice and simple title, in contrast to the deep and subtle meaning that your poem has. So, it's a pretty nice title, Id say
    Kastelic's creation



  5. #5
    Banned Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip's Avatar
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    Re: Come back please

    Glad you like it ^_^ Not so sure about the others >_>

  6. #6
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Re: Come back please

    kool poem man, it is nicely well written, the message that you are trying give is clear and neat. keep it up man.

  7. #7
    Banned Alucard_Spriggan may be famous one day Alucard_Spriggan may be famous one day Alucard_Spriggan's Avatar
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    Re: Come back please

    First off the Title is attracting to see what is going on....
    Secondly the poem itself is outstanding friend....Keep up the great work and I hope to read more of ur work in the future.

  8. #8
    Otaku zeroenix may be famous one day zeroenix may be famous one day zeroenix's Avatar
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    Re: Come back please

    Though I'm not exactly the best critic, I think it's good. No lameness about it as long as you put your heart into it.

    +=My Space=+ Thanks zeroenix for the sig and avi... wait that's me. +=zeroenix.net=+

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