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Thread: Daddy... don't.

  1. #1
    Otaku Stickicide 2 Champion starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036's Avatar
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    Daddy... don't.

    You've shattered my spirit
    and taken my space.
    You've aided in
    my falling from grace.

    You've taken away
    one so close to my heart
    and you continue to
    haunt me and tear me apart.

    You pin me down
    crushing my chest
    you push your finger into my forehead
    and insist you are forever the best.

    You follow my shadow,
    not even she can get away.
    You're in the corner of my eye
    all hours of the day.

    You've bruised my body
    and torn open my skin
    and still you believe
    what you are doing is not sin.

    You're greedy and fowl,
    broken inside.
    Your mind is on the prowl
    and all your body can do is abide.

    You leave me night after night
    broken and afraid.
    Why don't you just end it?
    Why can't you just stop your little game?

    Why do you do it
    with that hard evil stare?
    I'm your daughter, Daddy,
    or don't you even care?

    When I am finally able to leave
    what will you do?
    there will be no one left
    just a lonley old you.

    No one to touch
    to mame or scorch
    I'll be laughing
    as you're sitting there, alone and wanting, on that old front porch.

    When I'm gone daddy
    what will you say?
    The only thing you'll miss about me, daddy
    is that i was the easiest prey.

    You forced your way through
    and hurt me so badly
    and instead of always smiling
    like a normal little girl, I just sit here and frown sadly.

    (thinking about adding more later, but it is finished)
    I am going to keep adding stanzas every now and then so keep up with it. Think of it as a live poem or a moving story.
    Last edited by starfire1036; Jul 14, 2009 at 11:35 PM. Reason: Adding on

  2. #2
    Banned beast may be famous one day beast may be famous one day beast's Avatar
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    Re: [No title.] Ideas requested.

    This is the dark side, and I love it. You have an amazing ability to do from light to dark on the drop of a hat. You remind me of Lucy from Elfin Leid with the poetry. And I totally dig it. When You say ideas requested. you were refering to the title right?

  3. #3
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    Re: [No title.] Ideas requested.

    very good poem i love it because people always
    seem to leave others in pain or they are left in pain
    they never let go of anything because they think they
    will always have you and you want go.

    thats what i got from this and for the title how about
    The Pain Of You? it seems like a good title
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  4. #4
    Otaku Stickicide 2 Champion starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036's Avatar
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    Re: [No title.] Ideas requested.

    Quote Originally Posted by HolderOfTheDarkChalice View Post
    very good poem i love it because people always
    seem to leave others in pain or they are left in pain
    they never let go of anything because they think they
    will always have you and you want go.

    thats what i got from this and for the title how about
    The Pain Of You? it seems like a good title
    both of you suggested wonderful titles but to make it fare to more people i think i shall wait just a little longer before i edit the title and when i read this poem over again it spelled out so clearly rape.

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    Re: [No title.] Ideas requested.

    You mean that was not your intention from the beginning?

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    Banned neko nathaniel is off to a good start neko nathaniel's Avatar
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    Re: [No title.] Ideas requested.

    lol ya thats what i was giting when i read that to it just yelled raep lol

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    Re: [No title.] Ideas requested.

    The flow is great.. ^^ I love how the poem goes.. it has vivid description amidst the methaphores... The rhymes are good too ^^ I really enjoyed this poem eventhough it was kinda dark.. spoken out of rage and annoyance... powerful descriptions.. ^^ nicely done... kudos to you.. keep it up

    Im sure i can't make poems like yours xD

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    Otaku Stickicide 2 Champion starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036's Avatar
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    Re: [No title.] Ideas requested.

    the rape theme was not at all intentional but as i read it again it just appeared... the only matter in which it happens night after night is in a child's case... so the title daddy dont came to mind... it was supposed to fall upon a shatered life theme but i suppose this one felt better.

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