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Thread: Dandelion

  1. #9
    Newbie kamikazekrn may be famous one day kamikazekrn may be famous one day kamikazekrn's Avatar
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    Re: Dandelion

    i liked this poem a lot when i first read it, and even more when i saw lasuras post and reread it
    Flow and rhyme were nice, but the form irritated me
    For example
    I would give you a
    flower, but don't you see
    that this dandelion is
    almost just like me?

    Id rather read it as:
    I would give you a flower, but don't you see
    that this dandelion is almost just like me?

    I hate it when sentences get cut off like that. wouldve flowed better my way imo.

    9/10

    And for some reason i kept on hearing Papa Roach's "To Be Loved" in the background.
    Chorus
    Whoa I'll never give in
    Whoa I'll never give up
    Whoa I'll never give in
    And I just wanna be, wanna be loved

  2. #10
    Otaku BAUTIFULSOUL is off to a good start BAUTIFULSOUL's Avatar
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    Re: Dandelion

    that was beautiful.
    i really like your poem, don't stop keep amazing me!!

    IF YOU LISTEN CLOSELY, YOU CAN HEAR MY HEART BEATING FOR YOU.
    THIS BEAUTIFUL SIG MADE BY LASURA=D


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    Re: Dandelion

    Quote Originally Posted by kamikazekrn View Post
    i liked this poem a lot when i first read it, and even more when i saw lasuras post and reread it
    Flow and rhyme were nice, but the form irritated me
    For example
    I would give you a
    flower, but don't you see
    that this dandelion is
    almost just like me?

    Id rather read it as:
    I would give you a flower, but don't you see
    that this dandelion is almost just like me?

    I hate it when sentences get cut off like that. wouldve flowed better my way imo.

    9/10

    And for some reason i kept on hearing Papa Roach's "To Be Loved" in the background.
    Chorus
    Whoa I'll never give in
    Whoa I'll never give up
    Whoa I'll never give in
    And I just wanna be, wanna be loved
    Why thank you! I'm glad you liked my poem so much. ^_^ I hope you like my future works. If you're new to my writing, there's a bunch of older stuff somewhere in the poem section.

    Quote Originally Posted by BAUTIFULSOUL View Post
    that was beautiful.
    i really like your poem, don't stop keep amazing me!!
    And thanks to you, bautifulsoul. ^_^ I'll do my best to keep you entertained.


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